Contrary to popular belief, holidays aren’t always happy; in fact, feeling jolly and bright can be difficult when grieving. Navigating grief is already hard on its own, and the holidays can add an extra heaviness to it. Common festivities such as spending time with loved ones and celebrating the holidays can stir up difficult feelings after experiencing a loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a falling out with a best friend. Even though the grief and love you carry after experiencing a loss during this time may be heavy, there are steps you can take to life this burden. Here are four tips for handling holiday grief.
Grief Isn’t a Linear Process
You’ve probably heard this saying before, and it’s true — grief isn’t a linear process, and that’s okay! It’s completely normal to cycle between the five stages of grief, and it doesn’t always have to be in order. Grieving takes time, and it’s completely normal to feel that heaviness no matter the time that has passed — whether it’s been weeks, months, or even decades. Know that it’s okay to have some tough days, and it’s also alright to feel joy even when you’re grieving. Be sure to be kind and patient with yourself.
Let Yourself Feel
It can be hard not to feel pressured to feel a certain way during this time of year — we’ve been conditioned from a young age that this is supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year,” and that everything’s supposed to be merry and bright. In truth, grief doesn’t go away — even if it’s supposed to be the happiest time of the year. Let yourself feel your feelings, even if you’re not “supposed” to. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, devastated, depressed, and frustrated after a significant experience. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to let frustration out, do it (in a healthy and safe way, of course). If you need a day alone to grieve and process your emotions, it’s okay to take a step away from everything. Don’t let the outside pressure stop you from feeling what you truly feel.
Set Boundaries and Realistic Expectations
Let’s be honest — when you’re grieving, socializing can feel draining, and the amount of holiday invitations can become overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you and your wellbeing come first, and that you’re not obligated to say yes to every invite you get even if saying no is hard. Setting boundaries and realistic expectations for what you can handle socially and emotionally goes a long way when grieving. It also helps the people around you know what you’re comfortable with. So don’t be hard on yourself if you make it to your aunts Thanksgiving dinner but skip your besties Friendsgiving — people know that grieving is hard, and your loved ones will understand.
Lean on your Loved Ones
Grief is a heavy burden, and one that nobody should endure alone. It’s important to remember that your family and friends are always there for you, and that you can turn to them while grieving. Little things like extra love and support from your family or your best friends can go a long way during hard times! Don’t be scared to reach out — talk to a family member, call a friend, and make plans to surround yourself with the people you love most. You’re always worthy of love, even when grieving.
This holiday season, be gentle and give yourself grace. Even if grief is a heavy burden, taking little steps can help make things feel a little more cheerful. Always remember that grief is never a bad thing — it’s just love preserved. Happy Holidays!