Picture this: it’s a Friday night after classes have wrapped up for the week, and the friend group is thinking of going out for dinner and drinks, followed by a night at the movies while your bank account is inching closer to the digit 0.
Navigating the FOMO and social anxiety of trying to hide the shame of being broke in a wealthy campus culture is something that is not talked about enough, as the illusion of being short on cash in college is the norm. Being friends with people who have hefty spending habits can isolate you from joining them when you try to protect your wallet. This is a blueprint to help you keep doing the things you love to do with your friends without reaching the negatives.
Shift the mindset
Dismantle the hidden shame that comes along with having to say “no” to your friends when you’re stressing about your financial status while everyone is buying the new trending matcha or shopping for Skims. It’s a big step to take pride in wanting to be aware of the money your spending and should be recognized as an act of self respect for setting boundaries and not a social failure. Overcoming the over-explaining, made up excuses, and apologies to avoid gatherings takes the shame out of the “no’s”; being direct about your budget and what you’ll be able to afford should be discussed with your friends so you don’t have to be excluded and can find alternate ways to have fun.
a script guide to turning down your friends
scenario 1: the invite to dinner
Pass the mistake of making an excuse when asked out for group dinner, like saying youre busy last minute or only ordering an appetizer with a glass of water
Instead say, ” Although the restaurant looks amazing, its a bit out of my budget this week. Can I suggest this place that might work better for me or I can meet with you guys after dinner to hang out?”
Dont feel pressured to turn down some outings in order to keep your finances in check until you are able to do those fun things and your friends should more than likely to accommodate to your needs and blow off the dinner altogether to do something lowkey instead.
scenario 2: the group trip or concert
Last minute trips are going to be the hardest to pass up but if it is planned ahead of time reflect on your expenses and see how much wiggle room you really can handle to save up for such trips. If its too sudden dont rely on your credit card to fill in for your expenses and then later stress about paying off your debt.
Instead, say, ” Hey guys, I don’t think I’ll be able to join y’all this weekend. I’m still saving to pay off my (car note, credit card, or any generic goal that takes priority right now), but you guys take a lot of photos to share when y’all get back. We can hang out when y’all get back so I can hear all about it.
scenario 3: the uber every night dilemma
When the girls want a night out that suggest taking a uber to each location that requires everyone to spilt the bill evenly, dont feel obligated to overdraft your account in order to be fair about the bill or having to miss out entirely.
Instead suggest taking the campus shuttle to get a little closer to the destination and walk a little or see if anyone is able to drive to the event as a favor. Be honest about the predictament that your in and see how your friends are able to work around it and maybe even help you out until your able to afford it again.
don’t just reject- redirect
When the chances come that you can’t follow your friends to the next plan, try and suggest a cheaper or free idea that is still enjoyable and give yall the oppurtunity to still hang out.
- Instead of $15 drinks at the bar – Suggest buying a cheap bottle and enjoying it with a indoor movie night or picnic in the park
- Instead of paying for a $40 pilates class – Suggest using the free recreation center or taking a walk around campus.
- Instead of a shopping spree at the mall – Suggest checking out the local thrift store to find vintage clothes or hosting a swap clothes night in the dorms.
conclusion
You do not have to buy your way into a friendship, true friends should be willing to help you out when times get tuff or go along with ideas that dont require your entire bank account to have fun. Set those financial boundaries by being transparent and find the confidence to look your friends in the eye and say ” I cant afford to go out tonight”, its a superpower to showcase that you arent afraid of telling the truth.
Your vaule to your friendship is your presence, humor, and commitment is enough to keep the fun afloat without worrying about how your going to pay off your next bill and doesnt require a price tag.