October is officially here, and I’m back with another month of reflections. The past month has been crazy busy. It’s been a month full of even more change compared to the last. I’m two months into college; I’ve managed to survive, and I’d like to take a moment to thank the Gator gods for that. Fall is here, and the temperatures are starting to drop — well, at least as much as they possibly can in Gainesville. It’s the little things, right?
1. Do the hard things.
Studying for calculus is hard. Studying for statistics is hard. As midterms rapidly approach you from left and right, remember that you have to do the difficult things that you want to avoid with every fiber in your body. You could go to that frat party, but you could also study for your macroeconomics exam on Monday. There will be many other frat parties, but only one macroeconomics exam that you can’t afford to fail. Doing the little things is also a form of self-care! Put yourself in a position that your future self will thank you for. This doesn’t just apply to studying for tests — do the difficult things in every facet of your life. Do the brave things that you will not regret. Let go of the toxic, destructive people and things in your life, and make way for better things.
2. Take the good and the bad times as they come.
I feel like my life at any given moment is either really, really good or really, really bad. I’m constantly fluctuating between waves of good and bad, and it seems like I’m always waiting for the middle ground. The old adage of “you can’t appreciate good times without the bad times” runs true, especially in the past couple of weeks. I appreciate good times a little more, understanding that I can only feel those good times because of the bad times.
3. Good music can get you through just about anything.
Frank Ocean, Aminé, Khalid, Troye Sivan… thank you. It’s amazing what music can do to make us feel a little less small in this world. I’ve grown to appreciate music so much more during college. Songs and albums suddenly attach themselves to memories, and there’s nothing like watching the sunset to Khalid with friends on a Friday night.
4. Comparing yourself to others is dangerous.
I see so many people my age who are accomplishing amazing things, and while I am proud of what I’ve done, I also feel a little envious. I feel like I am behind in life. I’m 18, and I haven’t started my own business and published three books yet? What am I DOING? If anything, seeing these young successful people makes me want to work harder. But, I’ve also realized that we are all on our own paths going at our own paces. Being content with who you are, what you want to accomplish and what you want to be is important. Many students here at UF were probably at the top of their class and have now been thrown into an abyss of student class presidents, Model UN best delegates and cross-country stars, struggling with not being “the best.” Here’s a reminder that it’s okay if you’re not a billionaire at 18 — I promise.
5. Let your heart hurt.
Breakups are hard. I’m trying really hard not to let a breakup define my time here. Breakups are similar to grieving a death because, in a way, it is the death of something — the death of a relationship. I’ve had to remind myself that moving on from someone is not a betrayal of the love that I’ve had for that person. It’s important to realize that everyone has gone through heartbreak, and it’s a universal feeling that everyone can empathize and sympathize with. Heartbreak is almost a rite of passage because everyone goes through it and survives it. I have to remind myself that I will be okay at the end of the day and let myself heal at my own pace.
6. Running errands is kind of really hard?
It took me a short time to realize that I despise making my own doctor’s appointments, buying my own groceries and going to the bank. Being an “adult” is hard, and I’d really rather stay in my apartment binge-watching New Girl for the fifth time and order everything through Amazon Prime. Appreciate your parents and all the times they scheduled your doctor’s appointments for the past 18 years.
7. Check up on the people that you love.
September was the month that Mac Miller tragically passed. Each time a celebrity figure who seemingly had it all passes, I am reminded of how important it is to check up on the people you love. It’s a natural tendency to bottle up our emotions, but show gratitude every chance you get, and remind the people in your life how valued and loved they are because you never know when it will be their (or your) last day.
8. You can turn off seven alarms in your sleep and never even realize it.
I set 20 alarms with five-minute increments every time I know I need to be somewhere on time. Yet, I somehow manage to turn them off in my half-asleep state and never even realize it. Then it’s suddenly 8 a.m., and I have 15 minutes to get ready and get to my 8:20 a.m. class. Don’t be like me. Place your phone across the room so you have to physically get up and turn the alarm off instead of rolling over and pressing the snooze button half-asleep.
9. The growing pains are real.
Recently, I visited my hometown. It was weird. The roads and signs were still the same, and my house was in the exact same spot. Yet, it didn’t feel like home. Strangely enough, Gainesville doesn’t feel like home yet, either. The feeling caught me off guard because it’s only been two months, and nothing feels the same. I don’t really know what “home” is anymore. A person? A place? A made-up feeling? I guess I’ll find out eventually.
And so, there are my September reflections. I’m still learning to roll with the waves. College is hard, not in an academic sense but in a personal sense. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next couple of years, and I am so, so terrified. I don’t know who I’m going to be. I don’t know if the people who are in my life right now are going to continue to be in my life. I want some clarity, but everything is always a constant blur. However, these experiences ultimately make me who I am, and I’m grateful that one day I will be able to see who I am becoming.
On a final note, I don’t get lost walking around UF anymore! Yay! Maybe the true rite of passage in being a Gator is finally knowing how to go from Point A to Point B. It’s a small thing, but I’m glad that I have some sense of direction now.
Here’s to an amazing October, Gators!