From the age of four years old, my world was surrounded by grass, cleats and a ball. Soccer quickly became something that took over my entire life, from something that originally started off so small in a rec league when I was just a kid to a major part of my day-to-day life. As I grew older, I began playing more competitively, playing in the nation’s top youth leagues like the ECNL (Elite Clubs National League) and the GA (Girl’s Academy), with sights set on someday playing at the collegiate level. Playing competitively, for close to a decade, was something that truly fulfilled my days and occupied my free time. I trained around four days a week with my club soccer team, in addition to two to three extra private training sessions each week with my one-on-one trainer. My weekends were usually spent with two games (one on Saturday and one on Sunday), either at home, traveling across the state and oftentimes even to other states to compete against other teams in the conference. If, for some reason, we didn’t have games on a particular weekend, analyzing game film or a morning scrimmage typically replaced our matches. In simpler terms, my mental and physical capacity was constantly consumed by soccer, and I never seemed to mind it.
During my sophomore year of high school, I attended an ECNL showcase that thousands of college scouts and coaches would be attending to get in contact with athletes and chat to them about recruitment based on what they saw. On the third and final game of the showcase, I tore my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) and meniscus. After knee surgery for my ACL, my recovery time was close to a full year. Once I was finally back and returned to normal life, I realized how much I loved and missed my sport. I knew exactly what I wanted: to see out my goals of playing college soccer. I continued to work for it despite my major setback. This by far became the most challenging year of soccer. All my teammates were starting the recruitment process for the past year while I was relearning how to walk, run and jump. All my teammates were fit. All my teammates had consistently been in game settings while I was easing back into no contact scrimmages. Everything made me feel like I was always 5 steps behind everyone else. Although I kept playing, I focused even more on my academics, relationships, family life and personal growth. I began to realize that playing all these years hadn’t even been about playing in college. It was about the competitive drive that had become instilled in me through this sport and the beauty behind truly loving what I devoted all my time to. I came to understand that what I really wanted was to keep pushing myself and wherever it got me would be where I was meant to be. Eventually, senior year came around, and I was still playing club and high school soccer. On my senior night game, I tore the same ACL again. Yes, with another one year long recovery, that meant my season was over. My final season. Over.
Just like that, I watched the past 14 years of my life vanish into thin air. The endless hours of training, the sleepless anxiety-filled nights before a game day, the memories from every minute of being on the field, all for it to end in one instant. I had surgery again and started my recovery process for the second time. Everything felt meaningless.
I thought I had become a pretty average person. No more practices or games. No more just playing for fun. I genuinely lost the will for soccer as a whole. I even stopped watching my favorite professional teams play on TV. It took me about a year after playing my last game, between my second ACL recovery and beginning college, to realize I didn’t have to just stick to going to the gym and casual runs every once in a while. I could put my cleats back on whenever I wanted and head to the fields to remember why I started. Soccer brought so much positivity in my direction that I could never picture my life without its countless years of rewards and all that I had gained in the process. My best friends to this day came from the various teams I’ve played on. My dedication and traits of relentless effort came from the hours of fitness and training I did each night for years. Most importantly, my love for something that brings me so much peace of mind and gratitude has never left my side. When I stopped playing soccer completely, my whole life changed. Instead of becoming incredibly average, I gradually grew to appreciate the years of experiences, life lessons, people I’ve met and the love I have for the sport. These unique experiences shaped me into the person I am today, and there’s nothing average about that.