I always hear people say that it is difficult for them to say “no.” I consider myself someone who is capable of setting these boundaries easily—until I eventually realize that I am overextending myself. It’s always difficult for me to realize that I am involved in too many things until I reach a breaking point. For me, that was last week. One second I was convinced that I was doing alright but then one zoom therapy session later I was sobbing on my apartment’s patio as people walked by (which is not the best way to introduce yourself to your neighbors).
The advice I was given was to take something off my plate. I already knew this deep down and it seems easy enough. But for someone who prides themselves in their work ethic and giving their all to everything, this advice is shattering. I can never rationalize taking anything off my plate because I feel defeated. I don’t want to drop a class because then I am putting my extracurriculars first. At the same time, I don’t want to back out on others. It becomes a constant cycle– one of self guilt.
I never realized just how much I feel guilty when I place myself first, even when it comes down to my mental and physical health. I over explain when I cancel plans. I make promises to make up for the time I miss. I worry about how others will perceive me and what I will miss out on. I do everything but accept my decision to prioritize me.
This cycle of self care becoming self guilt plagues students like me. We are taught to keep going even when we are burnt out and exhausted. Even though it is difficult, the most important thing we can do is to stand up for ourselves and to communicate with others when we need to take a step back. Your solutions can be creative. Last week this meant asking my family to visit me and spending time studying by the beach before taking my midterms.
Trust me, I understand the fear of missing out. But you will miss more if you do not let yourself rest and recover along the way. These small acts take courage and determination to make sure self guilt does not get in the way of self care.