Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
Sex + Relationships

Single vs Taken: Relationship Status Doesn’t Define You

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

We have all been single at some point in our lives; it’s something we all have in common. It’s also pretty safe to say that we have all been in a relationship before, whether it's your relationship with a parent, sibling, friend, co-worker, or peer. Why is it that when we throw romantic relationships into the mix, it suddenly holds more weight than any other? 

Look at it from a different perspective

I was a person who was convinced I wanted to be single, forever. That being said life threw me a curveball and now I’ve been in a relationship for two years. But please don't let this deter you into thinking, “Oh, she's in a relationship she doesn't get it." Trust me, I’ve thought the same thing before.

Something people never tell you is that when you get into a romantic relationship, suddenly you're isolated, even though you're with someone. A lot of people will dislike you, just because of that very reason. When I got into a relationship suddenly my advice was no longer deemed ‘good’ by my friends because I didn't know what it was like being single. 

But that's just the thing, we all know what it feels like to be lonely

Advice about being cuffed from someone who is:

I won't pretend to know everything, but I do know this. Your romantic relationships should never define your worth as an individual. After many discussions with countless close friends who feel they're missing out because they’re not dating, I tell them this: 

Be single for as long as you can, especially right now. We may feel like we have grown much through high school and now in college, it feels like it's the proper time to commit ourselves to someone else, but it's the exact opposite. 

Now is the time to be completely free. Enjoy it for as long as you can. 

personal Growth & Being single

College allows for autonomy from your family and provides a space for growth, but when you're trying to bloom with someone else next to you, it can stunt your own development. View yourself as the most precious plant that you need to tend to constantly and carefully. If you were to introduce another plant into your pot, think of how much more time and effort it would take. Most importantly, think of the care you give yourself, that you must now provide to another. 

Relationships can be great, but you also have to be willing to surrender a part of yourself, whether that be your time, a hobby, a specific schedule you like to follow, it could be anything, and you shouldn't be forced to give up a part of yourself when you've just begun to sprout.

I’m not saying readiness for a relationship is based solely on your ability to grow with someone or reaching a point where you're willing to hand over a part of yourself, it's simply a matter of realizing relationships will happen when they're supposed to happen

Patience is key

A lot of us are impatient, not just with relationships, but overall. Waiting can feel like you're missing out, but you're not, because you're growing into the person you are meant to be. You're turning into the person you will love unconditionally before you share that love with someone else. 

All relationships take work. No matter what. The romantic relationships often portrayed on TV can either be a pseudo-reality of flowers and chocolates or be a Maddy and Nate moment from Euphoria. Whatever it may be, media and society have been gearing us towards feelings of shame, guilt, and most often sadness when it comes to our romantic relationship status’. But, the reality is, they are just like any other relationship you have because all have their own ups and downs.

You are the top priority

Whether you are not in a relationship or you are, always remember the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. If you feel pressure to be in a romantic relationship, remind yourself that you always come first and that romance is not the essential, defining factor of your life. Sure, it may be nice, but as said before, all relationships take work, have their tribulations, and most importantly, take time. 

So, if you're feeling guilty or down because you don't have a special someone, remind yourself that it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. Until then, YOU are your special someone. Focus on other relationships; even if they aren't romantic, platonic relationships are just as fulfilling and are equally important, if not more in terms of essentiality. 

Don't let the media tell you what you need, you decide that for yourself. And just know, you are loved, regardless of whether you're single or taken. 

Kristi is a second-year Sociology and History major with a minor in Feminist Studies at UCSB. She’s originally from Torrance, California, but finds SB to be a second home. She loves outdoor activities, reading, and music. Her favorite topics to cover include capitalism, mental health, and feminist subjects.
Similar Reads👯‍♀️