The Her Campus National Editors write about products we love and think you’ll love too. Her Campus has affiliate partnerships, so we get a share of the revenue from your purchase. All products are in stock and all prices are accurate as of publication.
No matter how romantic of a person you consider yourself to be, you are bound to have crushes throughout your life. Crushes are involuntary, brief attractions that come and go, and can blossom into relationships if they progress past that stage. It may feel juvenile or cliché to call it a “crush,” but I actually believe it is a perfect word to describe the fleeting highs and euphoric pleasure you feel about someone you believe would be ideal for you.
In a college operating on the quarter system like UCSB, having a crush is a bit different to your standard high school or workplace crush. At the start of each quarter, most students are introduced to a batch of completely new people as they start new classes, especially in popular course requirements with large lectures. In this sea of students that can reach upwards of five hundred, it’s practically unavoidable for at least one of them to stand out as a prospect to serve as a good “class crush” for the whole of the quarter.
Class Crushes, Defined
A class crush is the epitome of what a crush is in essence: a superficial attraction that’s primarily looks-based, with their personalities left to the best of your imagination. Most of the time, your interactions with them will consist of making awkward eye contact with (and maybe speak to once) for ten weeks and then never seeing or talking with them again. Their presence is an additional incentive to show up to your 8 a.m. lecture all quarter, but when those ten weeks end, you move on with your life.
To be clear, this does not concern attractions that have potential to turn into anything beyond a one-sided, momentary infatuation. While it is completely viable and common for these kinds of crushes to progress into relationships or casual “situationships” through sustained connection, I’m strictly addressing implicit crushes — like friends, mutuals, acquaintances, or even strangers — that are admired from afar and never truly acted upon. These crushes are inherently unattainable from the start, and your whole perception of them depends on the little knowledge you have of them, which leaves their persona up to your imagination to create.
With the end of winter quarter approaching, I found myself having conversations on this topic with my friends, and I was surprised to discover that they were having trouble getting over some of their crushes this quarter, despite having little to base it on rationally.
I knew that crushes were exciting and thrilling because of the very fact that they are uncertain and often unreachable, but this made me question if our need to constantly have one in our lives is based on something deeper. In other words, is having a crush actually a sustainable source of excitement in life, or are they just the human product of filling a void of boredom through the desire for uncertainty?
THE Psychology of Uncertainty
The highs of having a crush occur when neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine release the exhilarating feelings of pleasure, adrenaline, and euphoria. Much of this brain stimulation comes down to nerves and fear that our nervous system responds with, using the survival-oriented “fight or flight” response.
As much as we value routine and stability, humans are biologically wired to crave possibility and hope in life. When you think about it, it makes sense; it wouldn’t make sense to feel a need to keep going if there’s no sort of conflict or question to be resolved. We desperately want to see how every unknown plays out, so we keep our options open just in case something were to happen.
When this logic is applied romantically to crushes, the constant possibility and “what if?” essentially becomes a challenge to feed our brains. The issue is, we often directly contradict this desire by self-sabotaging and purposely not pursuing our person of interest because we subconsciously know that the unattainable aspect is what keeps us most attached.
While crushes are completely normal and fulfill some of our emotional and physiological needs as humans, we often depend on them as the only source of excitement in our lives. This reduces them to a life-affirming confirmation that we are special as individuals, serving to add that extra spark to romanticize our mundane everyday lives, like looking extra cute to see that cute guy in your section. The volatility and unpredictability of whether the connection will come to fruition, even when we know it likely won’t, is ultimately what adds that excitement to our lives.
A Crush = A Lack of Information
If you’ve been online recently, you’ve probably heard of the buzzword “limerence.” I felt like a lot of people were misusing this word because I kept seeing different applications of it, so I looked into it and found that interestingly, it is actually considered a condition that is undergoing current research for treatments. According to the National Library of Medicine, the clinical definition of limerence is an involuntary romantic attraction to a subject considered unattainable, which becomes unhealthily obsessive and interferes with daily functioning.
Related to this concept, the halo effect is when your brain fills in the blanks of all the qualities we don’t know about the other person and idealizes them to what we look for in a perfect partner. But when you really get to know someone, that evolves past a crush and becomes a fully personal, intimate attraction based on their own qualities and not the ones you made up for them.
Recently, after doing some reflection, I have come to the conclusion that my whole life, most of the crushes I’ve had have faded once I got to know them better (or worse, when I found out they felt the same way). I have clarity that I’ve ever truly had a sustained, fulfilling interest in any of the guys that I thought I liked, and that reflects the general pattern I’ve noticed in crushes.
The next time you have a crush, take a step back before getting caught up in what it could be and put it into perspective. Chances are, they are just projections that represent what you are missing in your life, and they disguise themselves as the chase of the high of uncertainty. If they’re truly meaningless, they will either fade with time once you get bored or once you get to know them better.
Surface level crushes are fun and harmless, and I definitely encourage them as another way to romanticize your life! But it borders the line of toxicity when you find yourself affected mentally by blindly chasing a fantasization. It’s all about perspective, and remembering that you are the source of all the potential you see in the world.