For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been really good at comparing myself to others. Whether it be with friends, relatives or random people I saw on social media, I never failed to see my shortcomings. This mindset peaked during my high school years and took a toll on my mental wellbeing. I realized that playing this comparison game was exhausting and unsustainable, so I decided to challenge myself to overcome this.
Social media seemed to be the main trigger for me and was the cause of a lot of my insecurities. Due to the nature of social media, people always highlight the best parts of themselves, without showing any of the negatives that everyone faces. I decided to go on a social media cleanse (specifically Instagram) to really focus on myself. For about a week, I completely deleted the Instagram app. I used the time that I would usually spend on social media to dedicate to my goal-planning. Specifically, I wanted to really reflect by setting my own personal and professional goals that were driven by my ambitions. I didn’t want to just follow the goals of everyone else that were expected of me. I wanted to find what my passions were and develop them into goals that I would be motivated to achieve. After some reflection, I set a few timely and realistic goals that I wanted to make progress towards within the next few months. For example, I wanted to start eating healthier by cooking home-cooked meals more (at least 3x a week) while cutting out processed foods.
Lastly, and arguably the most difficult part of this journey, I learned to be proud and happy for other people’s accomplishments. It used to be so hard for me to celebrate other people’s accomplishments genuinely. I didn’t know why, but I always felt a tinge of jealousy or disappointment in myself during these times. I realized that this unhappy feeling came from my insecurities with myself. Identifying the cause of this issue was definitely difficult for me to accept, as I never saw myself as a bitter or jealous person. But, because it was affecting my relationships with other people and causing me to feel even more unhappy, I challenged myself to face the problem. After identifying this insecurity, I focused on building on my self-positivity and self-love through my journaling activities. While it took some time, which luckily quarantine gave me ample of, I started to gain more confidence, which took away the resentment I felt in the face of other people’s successes.
While I’m still working on this journey and am far from completely accomplishing all of my goals, I am truly grateful for all of the progress I made. Despite all of the negatives of the pandemic, I’m so lucky to be able to spend quarantine by reflecting and working on myself. As a first-year college student, I’m starting a new chapter in my life and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me in the future.