With Valentine’s Day wrapping up, it causes lots of people to reflect on themselves and the relationships that they hold with others. February is a month of love, but it’s also Black History Month, and the two topics sharing a month had me reflecting on how they tend to intertwine. A popular topic that arises during this time is highlighting Black love, a couple where both parties are Black. It’s a beautiful thing seeing two black people in love; however, after spending hours talking to one of my roommates, it brought up the topic of how Black women themselves are loved. Black women are both highly praised in the media, yet there’s the issue of Black women having problems finding love compared to other races.
I love being able to proudly state that I am a Black woman, but some moments can make it difficult to stand just as confident with that statement. Of course, there’s the good old racism and misogyny that creates a unique intersectionality that only those who have lived through it can properly relate to. However, with Valentine’s Day, one of the biggest things that shows is the struggles that a lot of Black women can deal with when it comes to finding a romantic partner.
Research done by the then PhD candidate, now holding her PhD in Sociology from the University of Pennsylvania, Sarah Adeyinka-Skold, has shown that Black women are more likely to be excluded from the dating market by both Black and non-Black men. This stems heavily from the stereotypes that Black women are ‘emasculating, angry, too strong, or too independent,’ as Adeyinka-Skold states.
A lot of Black girls and women can relate to this statement, especially if they grew up in a predominantly non-Black neighborhood, such as I did. The question of “are they even into Black women?” is probably a question that has crossed a lot of our minds at least once when we have an intense crush on someone, especially if they are not Black. This mentality can create a lot of insecurity within and questioning on whether or not you’re good enough to get into a romantic relationship and whether or not you even deserve one.
I myself have experienced this mentality before in the past, and it’s one that I would never wish on anyone, as it can eat you alive. The answer to those insecurities is that you are enough and are worthy of love. While there is the question of when romantic love will come in, there’s already so much love that surrounds us every day. Being a Black woman in the United States during this climate can be hard, reminding ourselves that romantic love isn’t the only type of love there is is important to keep ourselves sustained.
While of course I can not speak for all Black women, but speaking for myself, we love with all of our hearts. There is a lot of beauty in the love that we can give when we open ourselves up instead of living within a mindset that we’re not enough for others. Not everyone deserves our love, and that’s okay, even if you want it to be reciprocated as much as possible. Instead, we must focus on the love we can give to those who are open and accepting of it. If we focus so hard on those who don’t want it, it can make us more closed off.
Being a Black woman is beautiful, with the colors and culture that come with it, whether you’re African-American or not, each holds a unique experience. Within our community, there’s so much music and love that gets passed around from different generations, taking care of one another. Black women in particular have always been the ones to keep the community alive and ensure that everyone feels as loved as they deserve. This type of love isn’t always romantic, and lots of the time it runs heavily towards the platonic side.
While you might struggle when it comes to finding romantic love, there’s so much beauty when it comes to platonic love. Even when the world tells you to stop and dim your light and love, understand to never stop spreading love and joy all around you.
https://omnia.sas.upenn.edu/story/modern-dating-black-woman