Oftentimes it’s not the sickness in the air or the remnants of winter that make February unbearable. It feels like this entire month is a curated museum for happy couples: hearts at every street corner, bouquets in hands, chocolates in ornate packaging. It’s enough to turn any single bitter and even encourage some of my friends to boycott the holiday all together (been there).ย
Asking someone whoโs in love for relationship advice often comes with rose-colored hindsight – everything feels clearer and more hopeful in retrospect. While that optimism can be comforting, it doesnโt always hit the same when youโre single in February. So if you need a little pick-me-up, as a certified spokesperson for getting through Valentineโs Day single for the umpteenth time, here are a few things I try to keep in mind to stay positive (itโs possible!).
1. Love isn’t ever wasted
If youโre in a giving mood, donโt suppress it. I like to write little notes for important people in my life or even those I’m not close with anymore for no particular reason, and you can choose whether or not you actually want to send them (very Lara Jean coded). Redirect that overflow of care outward; sometimes seeing even one genuine reaction can brighten your entire day.
2. Don’t pass up the traditions
Buying a box of your favorite chocolate or picking a pretty flower on your walk to class (just for you!) can be a perfect way to participate in this month of small indulgences. Romance doesnโt have to come in the form of grand gestures or dramatic confessions to be real. It can also just mean letting yourself enjoy something sweet without justification.
3. Stop the endless pink blur
Social media can be especially overwhelming this month, filled with surprise relationship announcements we never saw coming and didnโt even know existed. While I take it all in with a bucket of popcorn some years, itโs also important to know when to step back and ask whether comparison is taking up a little too much storage space in your brain. Often we might glamorize these posts into something far bigger than they actually are.
4. Calendars are overrated
Love doesnโt run on a schedule and it certainly doesnโt peak at midnight on February 14th for everyone. Whether it may happen the very next day, on some spontaneous outing or at the next coffee shop you wander into, I try to remind myself that enjoying my life as it is and showing up fully for the people around me will take me where I need to go. This month shouldnโt force you to focus on what you donโt have yet.
5. You are enough *right* now
I often give advice about filling your space with new stimuli – candles, playlists, fresh routines – and while all of that can be wonderful, itโs not the only way to romanticize your life. Sometimes the most grounding thing you can do is make peace with the quiet and exist in your space exactly as it is (because itโs all yours). Weโre often pressured to feel like we need to become more before being loved, but this month, treat yourself to a little extra hype. The right person can recognize you for who you are, not just a glamorized edition.
6. February is not a casting call
It can be tempting to treat this month like a stage, as if you need to look especially desirable, put together or open to romance in case love suddenly appears. If what feels right (especially with midterms and flu season) is cozy sweaters, baggy outfits and prioritizing comfort over performance, thatโs also more than okay this month.
7. Romance exists all around you
If everyone else seems to be celebrating Valentineโs Day through real-life relationships, youโre still allowed to celebrate in love in other ways. Watch the rom-com. Reread the Emily Henry novel. Let yourself laugh and feel without comparing your timeline to anyone elseโs. Romance doesnโt stop being accessible just because youโre single, it might just take on different forms. Sometimes the safest place for those feelings is a story, a song or a moment that asks nothing from you in return.