Self-criticism can be a great thing! It can allow you to recognize areas in your life that can be improved, updated or questioned. This gives ourselves an avenue for growth, but it can quickly take a toxic turn if we go down it for too long. There is a difference between being a critic of yourself and being a bully. If you find yourself constantly judging yourself, belittling yourself and reminding yourself that you will never be good enough, it is time to reevaluate your self-talk and your self-criticism tactics.
However, sometimes we don’t even realize how hard we are on ourselves until someone points it out. I was not aware about how the way I talked to myself impacted me! The way you talk to yourself and the way you perceive yourself becomes who you are! My toxic self-talk made me an incredibly pessimistic person with no confidence in myself or the people around me. Below, I have addressed five different signs that I used to see in myself when I was my harshest critic, in hopes of allowing others to notice and adjust these patterns in themselves.
- You Fear Failure
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This is the biggest sign that you are your own harshest critic! Thinking back to my past two and a half years in college, there are so many opportunities that I completely missed out on because when I heard about the opportunity, my first thought was “you won’t get it anyway.” Then I just dismiss the amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that is right in front of me because I set myself up for failure before even trying! Remember, it is okay to fail! This is what your college years are for! There is nothing to fear if you fail, you simply just try again. Failing is not a personal attack, just a sign that you have room to improve. When the thought “I will fail anyways” creeps into your head, respond with “so what? so what if I fail?”.
- You Overthink And Overanalyze Every Move You Make
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We’ve all done this. We go in circles about one small thing that we did in our heads: replaying an awkward moment, reliving a painful event that could have ended differently, relistening to conversations that did not go our way. We create a mountain out of a molehill. We stay stuck and fixated on a mistake we made in the past, constantly analyzing the situation and thinking of everything we did wrong and could have done differently. Not only is this absolutely draining, we end up creating a reality about the experience that is overdramatized and blatantly unnecessary. Instead, think in the present. Whatever happened in the past already happened, so focus on what is going on right now!
- You Doubt Your Abilities
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Has the thought “I am not good enough” ever cross your mind? How about “I don’t know how I got into UCLA” or even “I do not belong here”? What if I told you self-doubt is a choice? It is a mentality, a state of being that is so strong, it may even feel real at times. However, you have a choice every second of the day to dictate how you see yourself in the world. Instead of doubting your abilities, make the decision to rejoice in your strengths and work on your weaknesses to reach your highest ability. Self pity will not get you anywhere but the same place that you started.
- You Don’t Take Time to Celebrate Your Victories
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A huge sign that you are your harshest critic is that you do not give yourself a chance to relish in your accomplishments. Even when you do accomplish something you pick apart every single thing you did wrong in the situation. Give yourself a break! You accomplished something, who cares if you made a mistake on the way? You cannot be successful in anything without some kind of hiccup down the road. Look at the bigger picture and take pride in your accomplishments.
- You Want To Be Perfect In Everything
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I have some bad news. You cannot be perfect in everything you do! It is literally impossible; you will be mediocre in some things that you do, and the crazy thing is that being mediocre is completely okay! You don’t need to be perfect in everything you do. Instead, allocate time and energy to the activities you hope to excel in and go from there. Perfection is impossible. Accept that fact, move on and be okay with imperfection and excited at the idea that there is room to grow.
Negativity is one of the worst enemies to success, happiness and confidence. Self-criticism can be a tool for success but do not let it become detrimental for your wellbeing. There is a fine line between criticizing yourself for personal improvement and constantly talking down on yourself.