I’ve noticed I apologize too much, and I’m sure you can relate. Don’t get me wrong, when an apology is in order, give it and apologize sincerely, but there’s a time and place for “sorry,” and apologizing over every small thing has a way of negatively affecting those that we are asking for forgiveness. I think we’ve all become so used to apologizing for every minor inconvenience that we’ve begun apologizing for things that don’t need an apology to begin with. I’ve been consciously trying to move from saying “sorry” to “thank you,” (in the right situations, of course) and this simple change in phrases has greatly affected my relationship with myself as well as my relationships with others.
A small example (which has been the most beneficial for me because, you know, I’m late to every event) is apologizing for being late to an event. Obviously, it’s nice to apologize and recognize the time people spent waiting on you, but instead of saying, “I’m sorry for being late,” say, “thank you for waiting on me.” This comes from a place of gratitude and shows that you appreciate the time someone spent waiting on you rather than just apologizing for being behind schedule.
Have you ever had a time where you’re ranting to a friend and immediately regret your oversharing? (Because, well, that’s me every time I open up.) I got so used to apologizing when I talked for so long because I always felt like I was a bother to others. This comes from a place of my own insecurities, and I recognize that, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was burdening whoever I was talking to when all I really needed was an outlet. There was one night that I kept apologizing to a friend because I kept going on and on about the craziest things, and they said to me, “Why do you keep apologizing? I love listening to you.” I sat back and realized that my apologetic nature was making them think that they had done something to make me feel like I needed to apologize, even though they were just offering their listening ear. This night I came to the understanding that my insecurities of overwhelming someone with my thoughts were making the listener feel like they weren’t being a good friend. I realized that instead of apologizing for “going on and on,” I should’ve always said, “thank you so much for listening to me.”
By offering those around you gratitude for waiting on you or for listening to your endless stories, it’s going to leave them feeling appreciated that you thanked them for their time or their listening ear, rather than them trying to reassure you that you didn’t need to apologize. This simple change in phrases has greatly enhanced my relationship with my friends, as well as my relationship with myself. Instead of beating myself up for being five minutes late or for talking for hours, I’ve been more appreciative of the friends I’ve been given that will wait five more minutes for me or will listen without complaint. It’s so easy to say “thank you” rather than “sorry.” So, instead of telling you sorry for reading this silly little article, I’ll say thank you for reading my words — it means the world.