Crushing on someone brings a mix of emotions: curiosity, joy, and anxiety about whether they feel the same. I’ve had several ups and downs, but my hardest crush was on a best friend.
Realizing that you have a crush on your friend can be terrifying. My biggest worry was, “Would my feelings ruin our friendship? Would I scare off my friend if I told them how I felt?” I spent months playing out every scenario. Ultimately, I realized I valued our friendship more than any potential relationship and decided the only thing I could do was move on. If you find yourself crushing hard on a friend and want to get over those feelings, here are some things I did to keep my feelings at bay that may help you out.
- Talk it out with your friends
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When I realized I had a crush on my friend, I decided to talk out my feelings with a mutual friend of ours. We unpacked when those feelings started and what I actually wanted if I were to have a conversation with my crush. After our talk, it became clear to me that I didn’t even want to be in a relationship with my friend; I just admired them and saw qualities that would make them a great partner.Â
Getting your feelings out in the open with someone you trust can help you feel less suffocated. Talking to a close friend about how you’re feeling can also help you look at your emotions from a different perspective. For me, that meant realizing that my “crush” was more about admiration than a desire for a relationship. Sometimes, talking to your friends can help you understand that you genuinely like someone and might want a relationship, even if it doesn’t ultimately work out.
Talking to anyone you’re close with is a good option. Whether it be an important figure in your life or even a pet, simply saying the words that feel impossible to speak can help them feel less frightening.
- journaling
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Sometimes, talking to a close friend can be difficult. Confessing that you have a crush on a friend can feel scary or embarrassing, and you might not be ready to have that talk yet. Another great way to get your emotions out of your head is to put them on paper.Â
Journaling is a great way to organize your thoughts. Seeing your feelings organized on paper can help them feel less daunting and scrambled. Putting your thoughts to pen and paper allows you to create lists, specifically a pros and cons list. I made a pros and cons list when I was trying to decide what to do about my crush. The pros section included what I would potentially get out of a relationship with my crush, and the cons section included possible consequences a relationship with them could cause.Â
After making my list, I realized that while there were many pros, the cons list frightened me more than the desire for the relationship. Worrying about what would happen if we broke up, or if we went into the relationship realizing we only worked as friends, didn’t feel worth it to me. Even though we worked great as friends, that didn’t mean we would work as partners. If we broke up, things would most likely be awkward, and we would never be as close as we once were. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take, so that helped me work closer to getting over my crush.Â
Journaling lets you write out what you would say to your friend if you ever confessed your crush. Writing out the details of how you would ask them out helps get the words out that you can’t say directly, putting you back in control of your emotions rather than letting your emotions control you. The best part about journaling is that you never have to show or tell anyone what you wrote. If you want, you could even write out all your feelings and emotions and rip the paper to shreds, without having to worry about someone coming across it one day.Â
- keep some distance
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Whenever I have a crush, I want to be around them all the time. Whether it be watching a movie together, going to a farmer’s market, or even doing homework with them, it can be hard not to want to be around someone you like. This gets even more difficult when the person you’re crushing on is a close friend, someone that you often find yourself being around in a group setting.Â
One of the best ways to get over anyone is to simply not be around them. Being around the person you like constantly only makes you want to be with them more, which makes moving on close to impossible. This doesn’t mean that you have to distance yourself, as distancing yourself from a friend with no explanation can lead to other issues between the two of you. Doing things such as hanging out less one-on-one and spending more time in a group setting is a great way to see your friend without the pressure or worry about accidentally confessing to them. It prevents you from feeling pressured to carry on a conversation with them or try to impress them, as you aren’t the only person there who can entertain them.
Focusing on things that aren’t your crush is another way to create some distance. If every show you watch, meal you eat, or game you play connects back to your crush, it can be difficult to separate the things you love from the person you’re crushing on. Picking up a new hobby or finding a new show to watch that is individually yours gives you something to focus on that doesn’t involve your crush. It can even help you find something that you’re passionate about doing and motivate you to pursue it.Â
One of my biggest issues with my crush was that I was constantly checking their social media, looking for hidden messages or subtleties that could point to them liking me back. Taking a break from constantly being the first to watch their story or comment on their post also helped me get over them, as I didn’t feel as pressured to try to get them to notice me more than just as their friend.
It took some time, and my feelings were hurt, but giving myself space helped me move on from my crush. Looking at the crush and realizing how it would impact my life and all the things I would risk losing made me realize that it wasn’t worth losing a friend over. It’s tough to get over any crush, especially without an answer. I often found myself thinking, “What if I’m doing something wrong? What if they do like me back and I’m overthinking this whole thing?”Â
I realized that even if my friend had liked me back, a relationship with them wasn’t something I needed; it was something I wanted, and we don’t need everything we want. Considering what mattered most to me, our friendship, showed me that it wasn’t worth risking the bond we already had. The connection between the two of us was already one of the greatest things I could ask for, and I didn’t need anything more than that.