I’m turning 20 next month, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how much can change in such a short amount of time. The past few years especially have felt like a crash course in growing up: learning what matters, what doesn’t, and how to keep moving through it all.
So, here are 20 lessons I’ve learned so far: Well, the ones that have actually stuck with me.
- . Anything Worth Doing Is Worth Doing Poorly.
-
I am a perfectionist at heart, and it causes me to be paralyzed by indecision. For example, if I am too busy to write an essay perfectly, I would rather not submit it at all.
But I’ve realized something important: Contrary to the saying that anything worth doing is worth doing well, the truth is that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. If you are too tired to brush your teeth, brush your teeth for one minute instead of two. If you are too overwhelmed, start a task and only half-finish it. If you believe you cannot communicate perfectly, communicate badly. Create something poorly and improve it later. Anything is better than nothing.
- . Be Kinder Than Is Necessary.
-
The bad news is that sometimes, you have no reason to be kind to someone. The good news is, you don’t need a reason.
I want to be remembered for my kindness and graciousness. I’ve realized that fulfillment doesn’t come from chasing happiness for yourself. Long-lasting and palpable happiness comes to you by creating it in others. Some people only need somebody to be kind to them today. Be that person.
- . If You Think A Compliment, Then Say It.
-
A few years ago, I made a rule for myself: if I think a compliment for someone, I have to say it out loud. It started as a small experiment to spark more conversations and help me become more open. Over time, I’ve realized how kindness multiplies itself and how happy it makes me to compliment other people. There’s nothing better than watching someone’s whole face light up because of a simple compliment from a stranger.
- . Feeling Under-qualified Means You’re In An Environment Conducive To Growth.
-
Especially as college students begin stepping into their industries through networking, internships, and new jobs, it’s easy to feel like the least qualified person in the room. Whenever I found myself in those situations, I felt sheepish and unsure of sharing my ideas. However, I’ve noticed that being the least qualified person in a room is not a bad thing. It is a good sign that indicates you’re in an environment that will allow you to grow as a person; take advantage of it!
- . Giving Up Is, Sometimes, The Answer.
-
While I do believe in sticking things out, I also believe that giving up is sometimes the answer.
As the saying goes, the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive it is to get home. If something in your life no longer serves you, it’s better to give up now than years down the road. Don’t get caught in the trap of the sunk-cost fallacy.
Even if a simple task is frustrating you, giving up temporarily is often the best decision you can make. Close the assignment, take a walk, go to sleep, and you might realize in the morning that it’s not as impossible as you thought it was.
- . Trust Everybody.
-
As someone who’s naturally cautious and slow to trust, the best decision I’ve made for my personal growth is to choose trust first. I now take people at their word and believe in who they say they are until proven otherwise.
- . When Somebody Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them.
-
On the other hand, when someone reveals their true character, I believe them the first time. Trust comes naturally now. It isn’t something people have to earn, but once it’s broken, you don’t have to offer it again.
- . To Be A Good Conversationalist, You Need To Be The One Asking Questions.
-
A Harvard study found that “people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.” After I started intentionally exercising this, I found my conversations more vibrant and interesting.
While a conversation shouldn’t feel like a one-sided interview, maintaining curiosity about your conversation partner not only makes you more amiable, but you may also learn something useful.
- . Everybody Has Something To Teach You.
-
Everyone you’ve ever crossed paths with — from the toddler neighbor down the street to the elderly man bartending at your favorite restaurant — has lived a life entirely different from your own. Each of them has something valuable to teach you, but only if you’re willing to set your ego aside and listen.
- . Feed Your Curiosity. All The Time. Every Day.
-
I’ve always carried a deep curiosity about the world and the people in it. Ever since I could talk, I’ve asked questions — oftentimes too many. You can ask my father, who had to Google my questions constantly.
For a while, I tried to quiet that side of myself to avoid being disruptive, but eventually I realized that curiosity isn’t a flaw; it’s a strength. Now, I let it guide me. Whether I’m diving into a subject that has nothing to do with my daily life, talking with someone new, or wondering why we do a task the way we do it, I’m eager to understand, ask why, and keep learning.
- . You Don’t Have To Be Good At Your Hobbies.
-
I used to have a habit of ruining my own fun. If I couldn’t paint, write, hike, play a game, practice an instrument, or analyze a book perfectly, I questioned why I should bother at all.
However, that mindset only stifled me. I’ve come to realize that hobbies aren’t meant to be mastered — they’re meant to be enjoyed. Especially with my creative hobbies, I’ve learned that what I create doesn’t have to be good; it has the sole responsibility of just being.
- . The Price of Community Is Inconvenience.
-
Building community isn’t effortless; it requires showing up, extending kindness, and choosing people even when it’s not convenient. I’ve developed a willingness to be inconvenienced for others. Real friendship means embracing those small inconveniences as the gift of having it.
- . You’re Not Bored With Your Life. You’re Under-stimulated.
-
I like to keep my schedule full, but sometimes I slip into anxious ruts where I convince myself I’m bored with it all. What I’ve learned, though, is that I’m rarely bored — I’m just under-stimulated. Sometimes that means I need intellectual stimulation, such as diving into a book or learning something new. Other times, it’s emotional, and I realize I’ve been neglecting the people who ground me. Occasionally, it’s physical, and I need to step outside, take a walk, and let my body catch up with my mind.
- . Nothing Matters! This Is Wonderful News!
-
You can pick any completely unrelated field — physics, history, philosophy, etc. — and they’ll all go back to one common lesson: nothing is significant. Understanding the vastness of the universe, the complexities of human thought, and the sheer depth of history puts my own worries and failures into perspective.
If nothing is as monumental as it sometimes feels, then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You can take risks, explore new ideas, make mistakes, and connect with people freely, because the stakes are smaller than your fears have been telling you.
- . Reading Makes You A Better Person.
-
I think reading is valuable for personal growth. Nonfiction opens your eyes to the world and its history, ideas, and many, many problems. Fiction allows you to live an unlimited number of lives, feel every emotion, and understand perspectives you might never encounter otherwise. Together, they teach you not just facts or stories, but how to think, empathize, and see the world more fully.
- . You Are Not The Worst Thing That Has Happened To You.
-
You are not defined by the worst thing that has happened to you, and it is definitely not the most interesting thing about you.
- . You Are Responsible For The Worst Thing That Has Happened To You.
-
In other words, you are responsible for the person you become, despite the worst thing that has happened to you. Hurt people hurt people. Don’t let that be you.
- . Having No Opinion Is Having An Opinion.
-
Having no opinion is, in itself, an opinion. Whether it’s a political issue or a frivolous argument among friends, choosing not to take a stance, whether out of indifference, convenience, or laziness, is still a decision, and it communicates something about who you are. Neutrality often reflects just as loudly as words.
- . The Way You Look Is The Least Interesting Thing About You.
-
You will, rather inevitably, die. You will not be remembered for what you wore, how you looked, or whether your hair behaved on a particular day. You will be remembered for the ways you helped, the kindness you carried with you, and the love you left behind. It’s okay to care about your appearance, but don’t lose sight of the things that will be remembered.
- . There Is No Such Thing As A “Good Life.”
-
Bad life experiences are heavy, and you can never put them down. I’ve come to realize that people are a library of everything that has ever happened to them. If you went back in time and stopped every bad experience, you’d erase yourself in the process.
There is no such thing as a good life, only a life you have the opportunity to make good. Therefore, build from what’s already yours!
Turning 20 obviously doesn’t mean I have everything figured out, it just means I’m finally starting to understand what’s worth figuring out. Reflecting, growing, and learning from experiences is the most important aspect of life. I’m still learning, but at least now I know that’s the point!