My family and I sat at the dinner table, stuffing our faces with our favorite local pizza we ordered in (it’s tough braving the frigid San Diego nights, so we had to get delivery). We were talking, laughing, and shoving food down our throats when suddenly, my lackluster, or rather lacking, love life came up. Perfect, I thought. *eyes roll into back of head*
“Boys are just throwing themselves at me, but I don’t have the time,” I joked back.
“Christine, you need to bring down your WALL,” my mom smiled.
Hm.
Through all the joking, she did have a real point. It took my mom to help me realize that I do have a hard time letting people in, boys or not. I guess it was just something that I sort of knew, but refused to truly and fully acknowledge.
This joke of me and my wall, my wall and me, found its way into several conversations over winter break. My brother even joked that he pictured people in the hospital with bumps on their head from running into my wall. While this “wall” was all in good fun and never hurt my feelings, it oddly made me realize that I do have a major thing to work on. If my entire family noticed that I have a hard time being vulnerable, then maybe it is something that I should give some actual attention to.
While I am not a person to make resolutions, I do believe in constantly growing. And “breaking down the wall” is something that I can do to grow. I think that acknowledging and making an effort to be vulnerable could be good for me. Will be good for me. And will please my mother.
After our bellies were full of pizza, we sat silently in a food coma. The silence was only to be broken by my mom’s voice singing, “So what’s Christine’s new goal?”
To which my family chanted in unison, “BRING DOWN THE WALL!”
And that is what I am setting out to do. So, ask me a question! Maybe I will answer with a sincere, honest, heartfelt answer instead of a sarcastic retort.
But a girl can only change so quickly ;)