Whether you’ve intentionally left someone on delivered for hours on end, or posted stories hoping that special someone would see it and text back, you’ve likely been in an IDGAF War.
The I Don’t Give a F*ck War is simply a war about who can care less. It most commonly occurs in situationships—that is, the stage before officially dating but existing as more than friends. There are typically two main motivators behind the IDGAF war: one is to show that despite being interested in the other person, you are eternally nonchalant and not that invested in the relationship; on the other hand, if the person you’re interested in isn’t giving you the time of day or is too nonchalant, you might think that pretending to not GAF is a good idea because it’ll show that you also don’t care that much. For some reason, many of us are convinced that we would somehow “win” by adopting this IDGAF mentality. This mentality is fundamentally flawed because you’re trying to convince someone who doesn’t care to care about you not caring. Isn’t that crazy?
I often joke that I’ve never gotten over anything in my life, which is partly true. I tend to dwell on the past often, yet despite this, I feel like I’ve mastered the art of the IDGAF war. I used to care deeply about the way I was perceived which motivated my desire to win the IDGAF war, but I finally came to the realization that there’s no winning in this war.
For example, let’s say you’re getting to know someone but for whatever reason, they take what feels like forever to text you back while swearing that they’re interested in you. Most people’s natural response would be to reciprocate this indifference because no one wants to be seen as clingy, right? After a few days of this mutual nonchalance, you’ve probably complained to your friends about having to ignore this person for hours on end while secretly hoping they would change. Now don’t get me wrong, we’ve all been in this situation once or twice but the reality is that changing your behavior in hopes that this fictional person notices is unfortunately, a waste of time.
It’s okay to feel frustrated or upset that this person doesn’t seem to care about your relationship with them, but what isn’t okay is to paralyze yourself over this. The nights you spend thinking about what you could do to rectify the situation, or overthinking what you did or didn’t say aren’t going to change anything. At the end of the day, you can’t control the feelings of others or whether they care about you. What’s the point of these sleepless nights? All you’re doing is wasting your own time and energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it!
When I first came to this conclusion, I remember thinking to myself, Wow, I’m so hurt that they just don’t care, but I’m even more upset about the fact that I’m letting myself get this torn up about it. It’s important to recognize that yes, it’s a crummy situation and yes, it’s ok to care that this person isn’t showing interest. Ultimately, you need to care about yourself more, and stop putting energy into this situation.
There’s no winning in the IDGAF war because the person you’re battling isn’t worried about winning or losing—or whether you care less than they do, because they don’t care in the first place! I feel like a broken record saying this, but you can’t control how someone else feels or how much they care about you. We all have emotions and we shouldn’t be embarrassed by them, therefore the only thing left to do is to stop pouring your energy into the situation. You are worth so much more than waiting by the phone or being someone’s afterthought. Instead of spending your time thinking about someone else, spend this time on yourself. Pick up a new hobby, start that movie or show you’ve been meaning to watch, hit the gym, or catch up with your friends. Spend your time doing things you love with people you care about and watch your happiness increase tenfold!