Throughout my first year as an undergraduate at the University of California, Berkeley, I felt as though I didnât belong. Some may say itâs imposter syndrome, when youâre in spaces where you feel inferior or typically less intelligent than others. Itâs something I struggled with because I came in as a first-generation Latina, while also being the first in my whole bloodline to attend a four-year university as prestigious as UC Berkeley. However, I also had a lot of self-doubt because I felt as though my background and education werenât worthy enough for the university, even if others said otherwise. Gradually and throughout the rest of my time at UC Berkeley, I lost these feelings of doubt and fear because, truth be told, I really am good enough to be here.Â
One of the biggest factors I found that really helped dissolve my self-doubt was my growing knowledge. Itâs funny saying it out loud, but passing things like diagnostic tests or games like âAre You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,â actually made me realize that my knowledge runs deep, even if I donât know everything. This also helped combat my insecurities. I will never possibly know everything. Iâm no future doctor or scientist, Iâm not meant to know how to perform open heart surgery or work with chemicals, and thatâs okay! Knowledge is power, but not knowing everything doesnât limit my ability to succeed, it just helps specify my niche.Â
As I wrap up my final year, one of the biggest signs of growth I found within myself is how much I know about my career and major. Obviously, I attend lectures, and there are aspects and topics that I still learn that day or am working to fully understand, but most themes just click. I hear names like Jane Jacobs and Catherine Wurster, and can tell you exactly who they are and what they contributed to the design and architectural world, while also implementing their research into other known themes. My brain isnât working to learn everything, itâs just a string of known and understandable themes and topics connecting years of learning together now.
“My brain isn’t working to learn everything, it’s just a string of known and understandable themes and topics connecting years of learning together now.”
Monica Luna Miguel
Above all, I really overcame my imposter syndrome when it came to presentations and critiques. My major is very dependent on how professors, student teachers, and panel specialists feel about your designs and models. More often than not, theyâll critique them more than praise them. However, the way they grade work is vastly different, even if you only received critiques. For instance, I can be told my design is virtually impossible to bring to life, and still somehow receive a B-. It’s quite an insane way of grading, but something that can really make it more difficult not to feel like an outsider.
Despite this, there was one instance where I’d just given a presentation from a six-week-long field work project, with the end goal being how we could change the street to emphasize pedestrian use. I’d been anticipating my feedback, because truth be told, I wasnât confident at all. However, my professor actually really enjoyed my ideas and project as a whole, something that is very rare where compliments outweigh critiques. By the end of the presentation, I felt really great about myself, realizing that I was meant to be here, at this university, in this room, presenting this work I dedicated a lot of time to. This moment really solidified to me that I was anything but an imposter.Â
Some may say the student became the teacher, but I’d say I took one humongous step towards my end goals. Moments like these serve as reminders to me that my barriers before coming to this university shouldnât limit me. At the end of the day, succeeding to me means escaping feelings of self-doubt and truly understanding what it means to do brilliant things.