Recently I have been working on applying to graduate school. I have never been so invested in something, while also being so frustrated with myself. I finish one thing, but my list seems to be ever growing. I’ve gotten to the point where I am struggling to find the worth in what I am doing.
I started drafting my personal statement for my applications last week, and that’s where things started to go downhill. I am just answering questions and “talking myself up” so I shouldn’t be struggling, right? It’s just that I can’t find the words I need or the experiences I want to use. It seems like everything I’ve done so far is trivial and inapplicable, which I know isn’t the case, but it’s hard not to feel that way. Along with the applications, I feel like I am letting down the people around me because I am not as “put together” as they need me to be or as I want to be.
Through all of this, I realize that this process is not easy and that I sound like a girl who can’t handle her plans. I just feel like I am completely stuck in a rut; I am searching for motivation and experiences everywhere I look and it is exhausting. Fearing the future is not something I ever imagined I’d experience. I know nothing is ever certain, but I thought that with enough preparation and by getting a head start, I’d be closer to where I want to be.
I am not about to give up, that’s not the kind of person that I am. Now, it just comes down to me taking the time I need to figure out me. I’ve felt lost for a while now, something that can only be fixed by time. If you’re feeling the same way as I am, don’t worry, you’re not alone. It will all come together eventually.