Despite their lack of representation in media, friendship breakups can be just as painful as – if not worse than – a breakup with a significant other. Friends play a vital role in our lives in both childhood and adulthood, and losing one can leave us feeling empty, directionless, and without closure. Since transitioning from high school to college, I’ve experienced my fair share of friendship breakups, and I can tell you – with confidence – they’re not fun.
So, without further ado, here are some tips on how to heal and move on from breaking up with a friend.
- Validate Your Feelings and Give Yourself Time to Process
-
Friendships are an important and meaningful part of your life, so, naturally, the end of a friendship can evoke a whirlwind of emotions, including anger, sadness and doubt. Before you can actually start to move on, you have to let yourself process what’s actually happened. Like all break-ups, friendship break-ups are messy and can leave you wondering where everything went wrong or what you could have done. Allowing yourself some time to sort out your emotions is the first step toward healing.
- Don’t Point Any Fingers
-
Although playing the blame game may feel like the easy option, it’s not the way to go. The truth of the matter is that there’s no guilty party in a failed friendship. No matter how it ended, try your best to look at the friendship objectively and understand how each side may have played a part in the break-up. Your friendship existed for a reason: you both clearly cared about one another. Try to remember the friendship affectionately; though you are no longer in that phase of your life, you were once, and now you have plenty of wonderful memories. Bitterness and grudges will get you nowhere; pointing fingers and blaming the other person can make you feel trapped in a failed relationship and stop you from moving forward.
- Take Some Time for Yourself
-
After a relationship ends, it can be tempting to set out and find a rebound right away. While building and maintaining new friendships is undoubtedly good for your well-being, don’t rush to make new friends just because you’ve lost one. Instead, indulge in a little bit of “me” time! Get to know yourself, and focus on what you really want in a friend. Prioritize you and your personal needs before taking on someone else’s.
- Don’t Wait for an Apology
-
If the friendship ended because the other person treated you terribly, lied to you, or betrayed you in some way, you may feel like you’re owed some sort of apology. While you may feel this way, don’t waste your time waiting for an “I’m sorry” – you’ll find yourself waiting forever. This type of expectation only delays the end of your friendship, which does nothing but leave you to stew in your own sadness. Waiting for an apology that will never come can only result in more hurt; be the bigger person, and move on.
- Find Support Elsewhere
-
Don’t go through a friendship break-up alone! It’s always a good idea to look for support and understanding from your loved ones. Reach out to friends and family, and if you don’t have anyone close to you to turn to, seek help from a counselor or therapist.
- Know that You’re Better Off
-
Losing a good friend can hurt like hell, but it’s important to consider the possibility that you’re better off because of it. Friendships can end for a variety of reasons; whether it’s due to distance, lack of common interest, or even something like dishonesty and negativity, there’s always a reason the break-up needs to happen. Not everyone can get along with certain personalities, and that’s okay. Not everyone that’s in your life right now is going to be in your life forever, and that’s okay too. It’s important to make peace with the situation and to accept that not everything is always going to work out. Ultimately, you need to move on.
Coping with the loss of a friend is challenging, but, at the end of the day, the experience will ultimately make you stronger. Whether or not you expected to part ways with that person, accepting the situation and moving on allows you to make room for new people in your life. It’s great to fondly remember the times you had with a previous friend, but make sure that you’re living in the present; follow these steps, and allow yourself to make new memories with people that you care about.