I have always been a shy kid and nervous in social situations, especially in high school. I would always feel like people were looking at me, or that I was the odd one out in these situations and I had no idea why. I always felt like I didn’t belong there or that I didn’t have anything to talk about. Then I discovered a little liquid courage, I thought that I had found the best permanent solution to cure my uneasiness about party situations. Alcohol was my own way to make sure that I felt confident enough to be myself. Sometimes I’d have a little too much, but who hasn’t right? If I felt myself getting uncomfortable in my own skin, I would end up drinking more to soothe it.
According to the Social Anxiety Institute, “social anxiety is the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance”. I was becoming a professional hermit, which was taking the enjoyment out of my everyday life.
It wasn’t until I visited a therapist for the first time and was told that I needed to stay away from alcohol, that I really dealt with my anxiety issues and what was causing it.
After I told the therapist that it makes me feel better, she stopped writing, looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Exactly.”
My problem wasn’t the fact that I am a fan of a nice alcoholic beverage every once in a while. It was the reason why I liked to drink them. I foolishly thought it made me a more interesting and confident person, so that I could deal with my own self-consciousness.
I started what I like to call “My Summer Sobriety”.
Here is what I learned:
- Just like what you learned in high school health class, peer pressure was actually something I dealt with. Come up with some excuses as to why you’re not drinking if you’re feeling the heat:
- I drove here
- I’m getting sick
- I work tomorrow
- Keep a non-alcoholic beverage on you. If I’m feeling really anxious I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I like holding a cup. Lime sparkling waters became my go to beverage.
- People don’t actually care. You don’t have to go in depth about your entire life story for someone who asks, the old “it’s not my thing” is a good enough answer.
- In situations where I would normally be internally screaming (ie. weekends at a cottage, small parties etc.). I realized I was actually very calm when I was with people who I really cared about. I didn’t need to be the outgoing one and have all the attention on me. Being quiet and keeping to yourself is okay too.
- Pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting, physically and emotionally.
- Acknowledgement is key. Anxiety is going to be there no matter what. Admit it’s there, and walk in anyways.
- Guess what? You’re probably not the only one there who is a little nervous.
I still get anxious in social situations, but I don’t fight it anymore. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations is the hardest part of having social anxiety. However, being able to prove to yourself that you can do something is the most amazing feeling in the world.