Campbell’s Soup, Ranked

Campbell Soup Company is a global food company with annual sales of approximately $8 billion. It’s safe to say that the maker that brought you Goldfish Crackers, the wholesome snack that smiles back, has yielded this degree of profitably thanks to starving students across the globe. In honour of our generous and loyal contributions to the Campbell Soup Company, I tasted 5 of the leading maker of soups’ most artisanal blends to see which ones are worthy of our last remaining dollars. While we as Millennials are willing to go to great lengths to seek out the best gourmet food experiences, we still prefer cheaper food and want it to be convenient. Read on to find out if these craft soups are really “M’m! M’m! Good!”

New England Clam Chowder

There’s no better way to complain about being cold and prove your superior sense of taste than to drink soup for every meal in the Winter. Named after the American state, New England Clam Chowder is best sipped while discussing your trust fund in your grandfather’s study room while Mozart plays lightly in the background. However, you might want to pass up a steaming bowl of Campbell’s version of the recipe. With a smell, taste and texture as rampant as Ivy League superiority, it might be better to throw away the soup and attempt to eat the can.

Tomato Basil Bisque

Bisque is a smooth, creamy and delicious soup of French origin. It’s what Blair Waldorf would choose if she had to drink a soup. So if you’re super chic and cultural, with a passion for French cuisine, look no further. You can literally taste the ‘vine-ripened’ tomatoes in this delicious soup. So, the next time you’re heading to Loblaws, throw on your enormous sunglasses and bien sûr pick up a box of Campbell’s Tomato Basil Bisque. Besides, Chicken Noodle is so passé.

Golden Butternut Squash

Like the sport it’s named after, the squash is probably the best gourd when it comes to soup-making. Everyone can love pumpkin, but like our forefathers that sailed in on the St Lawrence before us, this Campbell’s soup will take you places you’ve never encountered before. This reminds me of Thanksgiving food. Who doesn’t love eating so much turkey, stuffing and squash that you have to unhook your bra AND unbutton your eating pants. The main difference between holiday meals and this soup, is that everyday gourmet blend pairs well with a burnt sienna cable-knit cashmere sweater and scarf ensemble.

Sweet Potato Tomatillo

OLE. Honestly, this soup was my favourite of the bunch. This is not your typical run-of-the-mill soup; the combination of sweet potato, tomatillos and cilantro gives you a legit amazing product that’ll look super classy next to that fug Chicken Noodle. Sometimes a girl needs to mix things up. Why not try this Mexican blend? For the ultimate dining experience, serve with your fav tortilla chips and lots of margs. YAYYY!

Harvest Mushroom with White Wine (AKA Vegetable Bathwater)

Yes, there’s a reason I left Harvest Mushroom with White Wine for last. I don't care what anyone says, canned mushroom soup is a freaking nightmare. To make a long story short, I considered it my civic duty to give this soup a fair shot... due to the fact that we Millennials are actually drinking a casual 42% of all wine consumed. Let’s end this nightmare before it begins, unless you like congealed blobs of soup and slimy mushrooms!

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