Boundaries set great guidelines in relationships for mutual respect and understanding. Whether they are romantic or platonic, setting boundaries creates a mutual understanding of how you will allow other people to treat you and what they should expect in return! Putting your needs first can be difficult, but is worth it for the longevity of your relationship(s). Learning to set boundaries is something that has benefited both my relationships and personal well-being, so here are three tips and tricks on boundaries I have maintained in my relationships!
1. Communication
Communication is an effective tool for maintaining healthy relationships because your loved one might not know what your boundaries are until they have been expressed clearly. Studies have shown that when communicating, using “I-statements” allows clearer and calmer communication, while “you-statements” create hostility. Using “I-statements” essentially allows one to express how they feel and the needs they desire without placing blame on others. Communicating is a great way to start your journey to setting boundaries!
2. alone time
A recent boundary I have been setting is valuing my need for alone time! Between work, school, and relationships, life is very busy. For my own well-being, I have been trying to recharge before I feel overwhelmed. In the past, I would recharge once I was already overwhelmed, resulting in me shutting down. Taking care of myself in this aspect allows me to be more present with my friends and loved ones when I am spending quality time with them, creating more fulfilling relationships. Communicating my need for alone time has helped strengthen my relationships with my peers.
3. Be Selective
Being selective with relationships is a great boundary to set so that you can prioritize the people who bring the most positivity into your life! It is perfectly okay to not have the same personality, values, and morals as someone else and then decide to maintain acquaintanceship with them. In the past, I have attempted to maintain relationships due to the fear of hurting others or myself when realistically, putting pressure on a relationship or friendship that was not meant to be was hurting us more. Now, instead of trying to force a friendship with someone who does not align with me, I try to put my energy into relationships that feel most genuine. Through prioritizing positivity and authenticity, I think that people can maintain healthy relationships and acquaintanceships without putting too much pressure on themselves and others. With that said, trust your instincts and focus on quality over quantity! If a relationship does not feel like the right fit for you, that is okay.
These three points are what I have been focusing on in my relationships and can be easily adjusted as needed! Some other boundaries that I like to set in platonic or romantic relationships are being comfortable saying no, asking to discuss triggering topics before sharing, and expressing how you value your relationship(s) before discussing things that might need to change. These factors are great for keeping mutual respect and mindfulness in relationships. Furthermore, if you’re in the process of getting comfortable with boundaries, keep up the hard work because I know it isn’t always easy. Your future self will thank you for your hard work!
I am looking forward to sharing new articles this semester, so stay tuned for more. Can’t get enough of HC UMass Amherst? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, listen to us on Spotify, like us on Facebook, and read our latest Tweets!