I’m sure we’ve all had situations where we’re upset about something and are met with “Well it could be worse…” or “At least it’s not this…”. Even I know that I’ve definitely said that to friends when I’m at a loss for words or don’t know how to comfort them. Throughout life, especially through social media, we’re taught that positivity is always the answer. Does the “Good vibes only” trend ring a bell? Phrases like these seem harmless, but can perpetuate the mindset of toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is the overuse of optimism that often results in diminishing valid human emotions and feelings. It’s the idea that only focusing on the positive things in life and ignoring the bad things will make us happy and solve our problems, no matter how big or small. There are a multitude of reasons on why this is a problematic way of thinking.
I think we can both agree that when we’re feeling bad, hearing that “Others have it worse” or that “Many other people go through the same thing” is not super helpful. It doesn’t magically make us feel better, but rather shades over our real emotions. Whether it’s another person unknowingly practicing toxic positivity to us, or it’s ourselves acting on our internalization of this idea, it creates shame in feeling our natural emotions. It forces us to suppress and ignore our struggles that are completely natural. We’ve all had bad days and gone through tough situations, and that is totally normal. It’s normal to be sad, and it’s okay to let ourselves feel those emotions. How can you heal from something you don’t let yourself feel?
Our society praises people who are inherently positive, but we should also recognize that being too positive can ironically have negative consequences. Disregarding all negative emotions is very counterproductive in trying to feel better. Let yourself feel, and then move on.
Don’t get me wrong though, it’s still really important to be positive at times. But, we also need to let ourselves actually feel our feelings, whether they’re good or bad. We need to recognize that being positive is not always the best way, and definitely not the only way, to deal with negative emotions.
It’s okay to not be okay all the time.