I think one of the weirdest parts of college is starting to dwindle away from people you thought would be in your life forever. You spend so much time at the beginning of college making friends, getting close to people and imagining all the memories you’re going to make together. Then, sometimes, things just start to feel different. You don’t talk as much or you start realizing that you’re not the same people you were when you first met.
And even when you know that growing apart is normal, it can still make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
You’re allowed to change
College is a time when you’re figuring out who you are and that means things change rapidly and unexpectedly. Your priorities shift, you meet new people and you start learning what you actually want out of your friendships.
All of sudden you realize the people you clicked with during your first few weeks of college aren’t necessarily the people you feel closest to later on. Maybe you have different interests now, or maybe the friendship just doesn’t feel as natural as it once did. That doesn’t mean the friendship was never real. You can genuinely love the memories you made with someone and grow apart.
the guilt
One of the hardest pieces of letting go of a friendship you felt deeply connected to is the guilt you are left with afterwards. You might start to question yourself and wonder if you weren’t trying hard enough or are in the wrong for getting closer to other people. It’s especially hard when you remember how close you used to be. It may even get to the point where you feel you are putting in effort because you have to, even when the friendship doesn’t feel the same anymore. Feeling guilty doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong, it can mean you care about someone and wish things could stay the way they were.
That doesn’t mean you should give up on a friendship every time things get difficult. Friendships take effort, and everyone goes through busy or stressful periods. But there’s a difference between working through a rough patch and holding on to a friendship simply because you’re scared to let it change.
Not every friendship has to end badly
When we think about friendship breakups we usually imagine a big argument or someone doing something unforgivable. But sometimes nothing dramatic happens. You just slowly stop being as involved in each other’s lives.
You make different plans and spend time with different people leaving you to realize you’re not as close as you used to be. You might not even be upset with each other because not everyone who leaves your life has to become someone you dislike. You can still be happy for them, appreciate the time you spent together, and wish them the best. You also don’t have to make a big announcement about moving on, and instead leave room for new things to come into your life.
You don’t have to feel bad for growing up
It’s hard when friendships change, especially when they’re connected to some of your favorite memories. But you don’t have to force yourself to stay the same person just to keep a relationship exactly how it was.
College is full of changes, and your friendships are part of that. Some people will be in your life for years, while others might only be there for a certain chapter. Neither makes the friendship less meaningful. You can miss how things used to be without wanting to go back. You can care about someone without being as close as you once were.
Outgrowing a friendship doesn’t mean you’re fake or that you didn’t care. Sometimes, it just means you’re changing, and the people around you are changing, too.
And maybe that’s something we all need to give ourselves a little more grace for.
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