One of the most common relationship issues people have faced since the beginning of time is the struggle of expressing love to their partner. Depending on our personality types, we may feel loved differently than our partners. This is where love languages come into play. Love languages are different ways that you can express and receive love. Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, he lists words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts as the five love languages. In this article, I’ll be summarizing the five love languages, and how to apply them to your relationship, and yourself!
- Words of Affirmation
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If words of affirmation are your main love language, you value words that support and uplift you. Compliments from your partner, receiving handwritten notes and letters, hearing phrases like “I love you” or “I’m so proud of you” all affirm your relationship. Verbal and written appreciation matters the most to you, and makes you feel loved, appreciated, and understood. Words of affirmation can also be used to practice self-love in ways like complimenting yourself, keeping a gratitude journal, or watching a motivational video.
- Quality Time
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If quality time is your love language, you enjoy spending time with your partner, but more specifically enjoy quality attention. You value your partner’s undivided attention, which can be shown in ways like trying new restaurants together, spending time doing one of your favorite activities, or taking a vacation. Active listening, eye contact, and no outside distractions like phones are crucial to you, as you feel loved if your partner is mentally present while spending time with you. You can practice quality time with yourself by doing yoga, exercising, going out to the movies, or meditating.
- Physical Touch
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If physical touch is your love language, you feel the most loved when receiving physical signs of affection. This is not only sex, but small gestures like holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, or even a shoulder squeeze. Physical touch and intimacy bring you warmth and comfort, as you like to feel that your partner is physically there. Practicing physical touch as a form of self-love can be done by getting a massage, buying a weighted blanket, taking a bath, and moisturizing your skin.
- Acts of Service
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If your love language is acts of service, you feel most appreciated when your partner goes out of their way to help you. This might be making your coffee in the morning, doing your laundry, bringing you food and medicine when you’re sick, or going grocery shopping when you’ve had a busy day. You believe actions speak louder than words and like to be shown how you’re appreciated rather than told. Getting your nails and hair done, volunteering, or cleaning your space whether it be your desk, your room, or your car are all ways to practice this love language with yourself.
- Receiving Gifts
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Receiving gifts is a very straightforward love language. You feel the most appreciated when receiving a visual symbol of love. However, it is not about how much the gift costs but the symbol behind the item. This could be receiving something you’ve been raving about for months on end or something that makes your life a little bit easier. You recognize that gift-giving is a process; carefully reflecting on what your partner wants, deliberately choosing a gift that represents your relationship, and how your partner will feel once receiving the gift and is why receiving gifts is meaningful to you. If this is your love language, practicing self-love with it comes easy! Buy a new plant, invest in a new hobby, try a new perfume, or even take yourself on a trip to practice self-care.
Now that you’ve figured out what your love language is, communicate with your partner! It’s imperative that they know what your love language is, and you know theirs because oftentimes your love language isn’t the same as your partners. You’ll be able to express love effectively by knowing each other’s love languages, and if you don’t have a partner, it’s also just as important to become in tune with your love language and practice it daily. Good luck!