I wasn’t aware until recently that trying to reach an ideal image of success didn’t feel right. I thought that eventually if I worked to be like other successful people around me, everything would be perfect. However, I quickly got tired of comparing myself to other people’s success. I wasn’t being kind to myself. The more work I put in to reach a shallow form of success, the more I wondered why I wasn’t happy. What should have mattered the most was what I wanted.
I was so wound up in feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Even when I thought all those negative feelings about myself would go away once I moved to Massachusetts for college, I started to notice that they just settled in my head instead. The lack of self-acceptance and excessive amounts of stress I felt in high school followed me around. I was so confused about how to even get out of that state of mind. I tried talking to friends about how I was feeling, but that wasn’t enough to really dig deep and understand why I was feeling this way.
When I went back home to California after COVID-19 hit, I knew that I couldn’t be in this state of mind forever. This time I told myself that I need to be the victor in my own story. I wanted to take accountability for my own happiness and to understand what I wanted from myself.
I spent a lot of time reflecting on the lessons I learned from the past few years and tried to determine how to process that in a healthy manner. I did hobbies that gave me a sense of fulfillment, such as crocheting and dancing. I became a lot more aware of my emotions through meditation and gave myself time to rest when I needed it. I gained so much insightful guidance from self-help books to focus on what I can change instead of what I can’t. Also, focusing on the relationships that mattered to me made me realize how lucky I was to have such supportive and loving people in my life. The positive effects of being there for myself grew over time, and it has been a rewarding and exhilarating feeling ever since I started.
It took me years to get to a point where I am able to look back and be grateful for how much I have grown. However, it’s not easy to make a positive change. There were days where I questioned if what I was doing to change my reality was even working, but trusting the process was essential. Eventually, I noticed that I have been making choices to encourage myself to achieve whatever I want in my life, and I have been making the most out of what I have now. These decisions rewarded me with joy and excitement for what’s to come.
My ongoing journey of self-worth gives me reassurance that reality is what you make it out to be, and that can be true for anyone who wants to better themselves. I hope this little snippet of my story can help encourage you to turn your life around and to see how worthy you are for the good vibes that are coming your way. I am rooting for you through all the deserving highs and challenging lows!