One of my favorite memories with my Nanny growing up was collecting sea glass along the beach. The memory of a warm summer breeze mixed with the rhythmic sounds of waves crashing against the shore creates a joyful nostalgia and fills me with pure bliss; walking slowly along the water’s edge, scanning the shoreline for tiny glimmers of color. Together, we would pick up small pieces and decide if they were ready to be taken home and placed into the mason jars in her sunroom, or if they still needed more time to tumble in the ocean.Â
Those sweet, cherished memories were not just about collecting sea glass; they held a much deeper meaning. Looking back, I realize now that each piece of the sea glass collection stands as a symbol for life’s greatest defeats and victories. Those small treasures that I would collect on the beach all of those years ago have characteristics I can now see in myself: resilient, strong, patient, and beautiful.Â
When I think back to my freshman year and my difficult decision to transfer, I see the beginning phases of sea glass. Something that was once whole, like a bottle or a jar, shattered into the ocean and tossed around by waves. As time went on, my loneliness and the feeling that I didn’t belong only increased. By winter break, the swell of emotions grew to where I felt like I was being thrown into a whirlpool instead of thriving. I questioned if I was letting my friends and family down, if I was letting myself down, and if I was a failure because the school I thought I’d love just didn’t click. In those moments, I felt more broken down than ever, like shards of glass tumbling along the ocean floor.
What I didn’t realize was how much patience it takes to find your place, whether in college or just within yourself. Just like sea glass takes years to be shaped, changes that are beneficial to you don’t just happen overnight. I anxiously checked my computer every day for a decision from UMass. Then, once my decision arrived, I still had to wait out an entire semester at my previous school when all I wanted to do was start my new life. When I had to wait, I learned that change is all about patience. I learned that sometimes sitting with my discomfort and anxiety wasn’t all that bad because even though my changes weren’t immediate, I was still moving towards something better. When sea glass begins its journey, there is no definite timeline, but there is the promise that at the end, it becomes something more beautiful than it was before.
When I finally arrived at UMass Amherst, it felt like washing up on the shore after months of being carried by the current. For the first time in my college experience, I felt like I was encountering the beauty everyone had described it as. As I found the beauty in UMass, I felt the beauty within myself return to how it had once been, like waves. Instead of being lonely and anxious, I was radiant, joyful, and a more beautiful version of myself. However, the most beautiful part of my journey is not who I am now or the school that I go to; it’s the changes I underwent along the way. Sometimes I find myself overcome by emotion when I think about how I began the transfer process as a shell of who I am currently. As cheesy and corny as it is, I want to cry when I think about how far I’ve come (maybe I’m even a bit emotional while writing this very article, but who knows). I find immense pride and beauty within myself because I know how difficult it was to get to where I am now. I know that if sea glass could feel human emotion, it would probably feel the same.
I used to think sea glass was beautiful just because of its color, but now I understand it’s the journey that makes it truly shine. Each piece has been broken, tumbled, and transformed by the sea, just like I was. Looking back on the sweet and cherished memories with my Nanny now, I realize that I’ve become the sea glass we used to collect, not untouched by the waves but shaped by them. I’m now finally at peace with where I’ve landed and where I will stay.
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