If you’re on the same side of TikTok as me, your feed has probably been inundated with content pertaining to “villain eras.” But, what is a villain era? How can I be sure if I’m in mine right now? Are you in yours?
Many of the videos are uploaded by teenage to young adult women, all with dark feminine energy exuding through the phone. With edgy filters and rebellious song lyrics, these TikToks revolve around reclaiming one’s power and acting like a villain. However, despite the contents defiant appearances, a deeper look reveals no one is truly acting like a villain as they so claim.
When we envision villains, the Joker or Bane may come to mind. If we are discussing feminine villains, Cruella de Vil or Ursula likely come to mind. As far as I’m aware, no one on TikTok is poaching dalmatian puppies for their fur, or seizing mermaid’s voices in a bid to blackmail. Instead, those in their self-proclaimed villain eras seem to simply be finding their voices, and asserting boundaries they once put on the back burner to appease those around them.
Chronic people pleasers are finally putting themselves first, prioritizing their well being and sanity. For those who have lived life catering to others’ needs and wants, enforcing boundaries can be a daunting feat to navigate. As a result, putting yourself first can feel almost villainous.
Rejecting the idea that you need to please others all the time does not categorize you as a villain; it makes you human. It is admirable, and healthy! It is essential for maintaining your mental health. Some may perceive your newfound strength to be curt, however this is not a reflection of you. You possess every right to set these boundaries in your relationships and life, and those who cannot accept this are arguably more “villainous” than you. By all means, still lead with empathy and kindness –the world needs it (and so do you). Always heal, and never lose your gentleness. But, never feel compelled to sacrifice your morals and peace for the sake of someone who would not do the same for you.
For centuries, women have endured the expectation to be meek and submissive. It is normal to feel rude or ostentatious by being more assertive, it is programmed in us to take up less space and be meek actors. It is shocking when we establish boundaries, and decidedly engage with what serves us and aligns with our standards.
It is difficult to defy these preconceived notions, but asserting your power is worth all the effort. You deserve to have this elevated sense of self worth. The boundaries you decide to enforce are valuable and fair; you have experienced life and paid attention to its lessons. Do not let the fear of being perceived as cold-hearted prevent you from uplifting yourself. Some may react in offense, but it is not a reflection of your character. Usually, people are simply frustrated they do not have the same power over you they once maintained.
So, if a villain era consists of asserting boundaries, expressing and communicating needs, as well as prioritizing oneself – maybe I am in mine. And I hope you are in yours, as well.
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