Content warning: this article contains mentions of mental health struggles and suicide.
I volunteer as a Crisis Text Line Counselor for three hours each week. I’ve been through training to learn how to de-escalate mental health crises and assess safety by text, and it’s not easy, but it’s rewarding. In the year I’ve been doing this, I feel that I’ve improved at helping my friends because I have gained experience in non-judgmental support and harm reduction. Between this and the Psychology major, it’s no surprise I’m writing about it now. Here are some of the best tips I learned from my training and the conversations I’ve had on the Crisis Text Line platform.
- Stop Saying Sorry
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This one might be hard to change at first, but it’s one of the first things we’re taught not to do. The only time we say this is around certain cases of loss, but for other crises or mental health issues, it’s often better to opt for other expressions of empathy. Saying “Sorry to hear that” too often can make the person opening up feel more like they’re being a burden, and less comfortable opening up in the future. We tend to go with statements like, “That sounds stressful; nobody deserves that type of treatment.” “That must have been really hard to go through, especially with everything else you have going on,” etc.
- Recognize What Support Is Needed
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This is a commonly missed but very important tip. Sometimes we have texters who don’t want to talk about their problems, but just need a distraction. This is common for all types of struggles, and it’s important to know if someone wants advice, wants a distraction, or just wants someone to listen and be there. And I think we’ve all been there, when we just want someone to hear us, but they keep trying to give advice. It doesn’t feel great, so be sure to check with them if you’re unsure what kind of support they need.
- You’re Not a Therapist. And That’s Okay!
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If a friend is struggling with issues that are out of your depth, you don’t need to play a therapist to help. Sometimes, the best you can do for them is point them in the right direction of resources, such as encourage them to find a therapist or see if they’d be interested in going to the UMass CCPH. Or even encourage them to reach out to the Crisis Text Line.
- Progress Over Perfection
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When trying to help a friend, it’s not always going to be easy, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Sometimes you’ll leave a conversation and feel like you could’ve been more supportive, said something more meaningful. The important thing is that you showed up and were present. Helping others is a skill that takes time to build, and give yourself as much grace as you’d give a loved one when it comes to supporting each other.
- Be a Steady Presence
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Try to keep a level tone of voice and not react too strongly to anything, positive or negative. I know that I often feel bad if I think I’m worrying my friends, which leads me to reach out less; express concern, but don’t be too reactive about it. Worrying things will always come up, but be the steady presence that they can anchor themselves with, rather than reacting in a way that will only contribute to their stress.
- Practice What You Preach
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Everyone promotes self-care, I know. It really is paramount if you’re supporting others regularly. It can wear you out, even if you are a very caring person. A lack of self-care and love for yourself will make it harder to help others; the Crisis Text Line motto under the volunteers’ suggested hours-per-week limit is “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and that’s definitely true. You deserve to feel as supported as you make others feel, so be sure to make time for yourself, too!
At the end of the day, the most important thing is showing up and simply being there for your loved ones. Community is for burdening; everyone deserves a turn — you included, even if it can be hard to grapple with sometimes. But I’ve found that these tips can turn that worry into something more helpful, and I hope it can do the same for you.
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SUICIDE: If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. You can also reach out to the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386, or to your local suicide crisis center.