Every day feels the same. Wake up, eat, class, eat, sleep, repeat. I feel like a robot programmed to carry out the same tasks over and over and over. But just like robots do, I’ve been breaking down ever since the start of this first semester. In the process of getting used to and learning in an online school format, I started to question: is college even worth it anymore?
Maybe a better question to ask is: is college worth sacrificing myself over? If I’m being transparent, at least 99% of my burnout situation is coming from instability in my mental health. In only 3 months, my mental health plummeted, and it all comes down to a new learning format, professors who are not considerate of the current situation, a lack of socialization, etc. I have never been more mentally drained in my life. Every day I wake up tired, every day I wonder if I should go to class, do my homework, write a paper, try. Online school has made me not care about school. The only thing I care about is turning in work so I at least have something to show for this semester. I have a “I might have gotten a D, but at least I turned in all of my assignments!” mentality. Usually this type of burnout happens a few weeks from finals for me. But it came early this year… way early. I was already mentally fighting myself before the halfway mark of the semester hit. That isn’t good. And I’m sure I am not the only one who feels like this.
I am quickly losing interest in something I used to love: learning. Learning things, especially things about what you want to do with your life, is fascinating and I used to love it, but it isn’t fun anymore. College is no longer supplemental, it’s a chore that I have to physically force myself to do every day. That is extremely alarming, given that it isn’t happening to just me. Logically I know this won’t last forever, so dropping out isn’t what I should do, but right now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Especially looking into next semester. At U Iowa, we have 16 weeks of school straight with no break during our spring semester. And most of the classes are going to be formatted the same. I have spiraled multiple times thinking about my future and the questions I really shouldn’t be asking myself. Would it make a difference if I took a gap semester? What would happen if I just decided to drop out all together? I have never contemplated these questions more seriously in my life than when online school started, and I am definitely not the only person in this boat.
This is temporary, I know that. But for mental health, you can’t really focus on what is going to happen in the future to hopefully change what you are experiencing. You have to act for what you are feeling now. I have contemplated my role as a student for many weeks alongside an array of others. I have no definitive answer for what I want to do for myself, but it is important to keep in mind that you are paying attention to your needs as a person and applying necessary changes to benefit your life and your future.