When I wrote “Navigating Heartbreak in College” (read that article before you read this one,) I was fresh out of my first relationship ever. I described ways that I was “healing” and ways that helped me move on. When in reality the things that I was listing were just distractions to keep myself from actually feeling the pain of my break up. Now a bit over a year later and here is my take on that article and what it is really like to heal from a breakup.
That article was my second article that I ever wrote for Her Campus, so not only was I new to writing articles, but I was also literally going through a major event in my life. I wrote that article a little longer than a month after the break up, smh. I guess I was trying to look on the bright side because that’s all that article was about, looking on the bright side. Let me tell you the truth – it has not been sunshine and rainbows. Healing is way more complex than just distracting yourself from all that’s on your mind.
While yes, getting a fish and picking up new hobbies helped me to not feel sad for a little bit, they weren’t actually helping. They were just distractions. What I’m really trying to say is that distractions aren’t what help you heal. Healing is mostly about self reflection, reflection of the relationship and just a lot of thought.
Taking the time to really heal has changed me as a person and I guess that is the whole point. Going through stuff changes you, but I am glad I actually took that time to myself because I like who I’ve become as a result.
Yes, it is okay to think that “the grass is greener on the other side” after a breakup, but it is also okay to feel like the grass isn’t going to be greener. It’s okay to be sad, and that is what I failed to promote in that article. If you are sad about a breakup, allow yourself to feel those emotions.
If I could go back to when I was experiencing this for the first time again, I would let myself actually feel the emotions and not try to pretend like I wasn’t sad (because I was lol). Sometimes I still am. But healing is non-linear and it just comes and goes in waves. For anyone wondering, I am okay now, but that’s just because I ended up healing way after the fact, and that’s because I had finally allowed myself to be sad about it instead of just distracting myself from those feelings.
So, if I had any advice to anyone going through something similar to me, I wouldn’t say to do something broad like go on a walk or journal, because that’s what everyone tells you to do, and if those things help you, then by all means go for it. But the best thing to do is to just do what works for you as an individual.
And discovering what works for you might take a while, and that is okay. And for me, it really did just take time – and once again, that is annoying to hear because it’s also what everyone tells you, but it’s true. It took me a lot of time to discover that; that time and thought is what has brought me to, and kept me in, where I am in my healing process today.