You may think Jay Shetty and Alex Cooper only have one thing in common; they are both hosts of award-winning podcasts.
Alex Cooper is the founder of one of the most popular podcasts, Call Her Daddy, with over 3 million listens per episode, ranking as the number one most-listened-to Spotify podcast in English-speaking countries worldwide.
Jay Shetty is the host of the number one health podcast in the world, On Purpose. After serving as a monk for three years, he had a vision to make wisdom go viral by giving individuals the tools to navigate negativity and finding their purpose.
You may be asking yourself, what important lessons could come from both Jay and Alex?
In Jay’s episode, “Overcoming Self-Doubt and How to Give Yourself Permission to Outgrow the Past,” the two-podcast host sat down to have a thought-provoking conversation on the pressures of modern society that impact our ability to define ourselves and follow our passions.
When Call Her Daddy started, it was known for raunchy sex conversations and relationship advice. In recent months, Cooper shifted the scope of her content by interviewing clinical psychologists and social media stars, including Hailey Bieber, to change the conversation to talk about mental health. Cooper revealed the shift in the content was partially due to the pandemic and her lack of sexual interactions, which pushed her to change the narrative and the trajectory of the show.
After listening to Jay and Alex’s episode, I have created a list of the five most important lessons I think every Gen-Z needs to hear from these two incredible individuals.
Lesson One: It’s okay not to be understood
Jay was once asked, “what’s something you used to value that you don’t value anymore?”
He responded, “being understood.”
At first, I was surprised because I associated being understood as a positive thing, which it is, but not always.
Jay talks about his past and always having this innate desire to let people know he had pure intentions and that he was a good person. I related to Jay as, throughout friendships, I’ve always felt the need to over-explain myself in a situation to ensure people see the intention behind my actions. But I soon realized the concept of being understood is overrated.
If people take something you say or do the wrong way, then it’s not your responsibility to prove them overwise. Your character and intentions should always speak for themselves. People will always believe what they want to believe. If someone misunderstands something you did with the kindness of your heart, it isn’t necessarily a reflection of you or your actions.
We have to lose the desire to be understood because most people will misunderstand us.
Lesson Two: Your past does not define your present
When Call Her Daddy began in 2018, it was a space where young women would go to listen to advice on dating in their twenties. Nothing was off limits in these conversations. Cooper discussed anything from how to catch a cheater to sex tales which often gave the podcast the vibe of one big sisterhood.
However, after a fallout with her co-host and the beginning of a worldwide pandemic, Cooper decided to take her platform and do a complete 180. She felt that talking about sex and dating put her in a box, and it was time for a change. Though Cooper experienced a lot of tension between the brand she built versus her idea for the new direction, she took a leap of faith toward the latest chapter of Call Her Daddy.
Cooper transitioned the show to reflect the changes in her personal life. Cooper notes that if she could open up so deeply and vulnerably about sex, her audience was ready to get deeper.
The conversation switched from sex stories to deep discussions surrounding mental health stigma and therapy. Unfortunately, when she made this switch, she heard the white noise around the idea that “you can’t be the sexy girl and also talk about mental health.”
Jay had a similar experience when transitioning from being a monk to an entrepreneur. He was constantly confronted with the question, “how can you be mindful and determined.” It was as if these two aspects of his identity had to exist individually. But, we cannot be defined just by one category. Each aspect of our identity exists simultaneously.
Society makes you feel like you can only be one thing. Like if you talk about sex and dating, you cannot have a conversation about mental health. As if all your experiences can be categorized under one umbrella.
We aren’t meant to stay who we were. As we enter the next chapter in our lives, we gain new experiences that impact how we see the world around us. We should never feel bound to our past selves because it’s what’s expected of us.
Lesson Three: Take pride in your friendships
Jay and Alex discuss the concepts of friendships in depth as they believe having strong friendships is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
Friendships are beautiful because it’s something you have the agency to choose. You have the ability to choose who your friends are, the ability to keep the friendship growing stronger, and the ability to make them last. It’s a constant effort of both individuals putting in the work to uplift and support one another.
In their conversation, Jay and Alex discuss how proximity can impact friendships. As a university student, this idea of friendship in proximity resonates with me because I’ve made friends with people from all over the world. Ones that I’ve gone a whole year without seeing during a pandemic and ones that I don’t text every day. But the thing is, you don’t have to be surrounded by your friends all the time to have meaningful friendships.
It’s about surrounding yourself with people that appreciate you for you. The idea is that you have nothing to prove as long as your friends know you’re a good person.
It’s better to have a small group of people cheering in your corner than a large group that will instill judgments on your passions. Remember, it’s easy to feel alone, even surrounded by a crowd. Value the quality of friendships over anything.
Lesson Four: Don’t downplay your passions to make other people comfortable
We’re all passionate about something, whether we’ve discovered it yet or not. A lot of times, our passions are unique to us as individuals. The people around us might not share the same interests, and that’s completely okay.
Alex talks about how her passion for creating content was used as a coping mechanism for dealing with her childhood experience of trauma. To cope with the bullying she received from her peers at school, Alex would go home after school and create content.
In the same way, when she did engage in activities at school, she constantly felt this pressure to fit perfectly into a category she was assigned to by others. For example, she felt like “[she] couldn’t be a jock and a tech geek.”
These implications from others made her feel like she had to assign herself to a very particular category and stick to it. Any change or deviation from the label imposed on her was called to question.
But that’s what can make following your passions difficult. The impositions from society make us feel like we can only be one thing: like we have to follow some linear pathway forever.
It’s easy to feel uncomfortable talking about our passions because we’re inviting people to make judgments about the things we love. It’s okay to be proud of finding your passion and wanting to pursue it.
There is a power that exists when you follow your passions. A force that keeps you going. A force to act despite your insecurities. Use that power. Light the flame that exists under you and use it to follow your passions.
Lesson Five: Be more present
Sometimes we all have to take a second to pause. To remind ourselves that this is life, that we’re living right here, right now. Remind yourself that it’s okay that your life might not look like theirs. That you are on the path to becoming the best version of yourself. That your journey is far from the end, and actually, this is just the beginning.
In their conversation, Alex recalls moments when she spent her time scrolling through TikTok, when she looked up, and a beautiful sunset was happening just before her eyes. But, instead of watching the sunset or taking her dog for a walk, she was watching the lives of others through a screen. And that story couldn’t be more relatable for Gen-Z.
I started to become aware of how much time I spent aimlessly scrolling on social media when I began receiving notifications on my daily screen time. It’s so easy to get caught up in the digital space that we forget we have life unfolding right before us.
From personal experience, I knew I had to create boundaries with my phone usage. So, I began replacing times when I would go on my phone, like right when I wake up in the morning or before bed, with alternatives such as journaling or reading a chapter of a novel. Whatever you decide, giving yourself the power to be more present in your life will allow you to experience all the beauties of life.
My biggest takeaway from Jay and Alex’s conversation would be to always search internally for that strength to keep you going. There will always be outside noise from people who think you aren’t allowed to grow and evolve because of your past decisions or simply who you used to be. We aren’t meant to stay in the same place.
It’s human nature to grow and enter that next chapter in your life. The weight of other people’s opinions of how capable you are has no measure of the strength you have inside of you. If you genuinely want to see a change in your life, you must put yourself first and do the things that fuel your passions. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, even when it isn’t the easiest thing to do. Create a routine that fosters self-improvement and self-growth. Cherish the special bonds you share with the people around you and remember, it’s okay to not be understood by everybody. By doing one per cent daily, you can get to where you want to be.