Yes, you read that title correctly. I believe that in order to be happy and carefree, you need to be selfish. Let me explain…
For as long as I can remember, I have always had the tendency to be a people pleaser. I really don’t know why I did this or when it even started, but I would always bend over backwards to do stuff for people. I loved feeling needed – like I was reliable and useful to the people in my life. And I like to think I am. But honestly, every time I did the most for people who didn’t care about me, I saw my energy not being reciprocated. I would always end up feeling heartbroken and horrible about myself like I didn’t matter to the people I loved in my life. It sent my confidence in a downward spiral filled with self-pity and loathing for myself.
I can blame the way certain people treat me, or the fake friends I once had in my life. But I realized the root of the problem was really myself. The standards I held on for people who didn’t hold me in the same regard were because of my high expectations, not their actions. And the hard way of learning that was to tell myself it was going to be okay because, at the end of the day, you really have yourself.
I’m not trying to say that my current friends don’t do anything for me, or that I’m the most selfless person in the world. The point of me writing this article is to remind you — the reader — to hold yourself to higher standards.
There isn’t any point in having people in your life who are willing to treat you like trash, because you’ll always find that out the hard way and, ultimately, be consumed with disappointment. Sometimes, in order to be happy, you need to put yourself first because once again, at the end of the day the only person you have is yourself.
Selfishness isn’t about placing yourself above others. Rather it’s self-care to prioritize yourself. Take that quick trip you were thinking of. Or if you don’t want to hang out with friends, then you don’t need to! Go on a walk to the cafe you wanted to try, and learn to say “no” more often instead of sugarcoating everything to protect people’s feelings. Protect your mental health from people who drain it, and journal about this new journey!
Being selfish sounds very harsh but it shockingly isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s about being selfish with your time and who you give it to. As long as you are a nice person and treat everyone with kindness, you can allow yourself to prioritize you. You deserve to be your own priority. You deserve to be happy too.