I quickly looked up from my notes as my accounting professor inquired the class about a solution for the problem displayed on the board. Immediately, the hands of my eager classmates shot up in the air to be the first to respond. Half of them hadn’t been paying attention for the past 20 minutes, but still, they wanted to be the ones to solve the question. As I observed the room, I noticed a substantial finding. A majority of the people who were taking the risk to answer my professor’s difficult question happened to be men. They were the teacher’s pets sitting in the front row, to even the frat boys wearing backwards hats sitting in the back row with their feet up. Even though the class was pretty much split evenly between men and women, many of the girls seemed nervous to speak up. This moment was pivotal in my understanding of the division in experience between men and women in the collegiate setting.Â
The boys in my class didn’t care if they got the answer wrong. They could raise their hands and hear their own voice without the repercussions of embarrassment. No one would think anything different of them if they said the wrong thing. Meanwhile, as a woman, I constantly feel the need to prove myself. I find times when I am more hesitant to speak up as I risk belittling my reputation if I say the wrong thing or articulate my words in a confusing manner. As a girl, especially one in the realm of business school, I always feel some sense of doubt regarding my capabilities.
I question if I am good enough or smart enough or qualified enough on a daily basis. The internal conversation I have in my head is one of doubt and insecurity. In a world that experiences such a gap in gender equality, I think women have a lot more to prove. I sadly realize that I have a goal of being looked at as someone who is “just as good” as the men I am surrounded by. Without trying, I have developed a standard in my head that men are at some environmental standard of ability and I just need to work hard enough to reach their measure of skill and potential. Truthfully, I am so upset that I have allowed myself to think in this manner for so long.
I don’t want to feel like an imposter when I ace a test, outsmart a classmate, lead my group in a project, or even just dress up in my fanciest pantsuit to go to a career expo. I am capable of everything & more I could ever achieve. I hope that one day women become the standard for excellence instead of feeling out of place in expressing their capabilities. I strive to do better at taking risks and using my voice as I know that’s the first step in changing the narrative and developing confidence. Next time I’m in accounting class, I promise to raise my hand and speak without the fear of any repercussions. You can never be an imposter when in the midst of personal success.