This year I turn 21, and yet no matter the amount of glam (hair, makeup, nails done) I still feel like that insecure teen girl I once was.
Something we don’t talk about enough is the Ugly Duckling Syndrome. Growing up I never considered myself a pretty girl. If anything, in middle school I was the ‘weird, funny, awkward’ girl who had niche interests and was never perceived as conventionally attractive. I wore glasses, had braces, acne, etc., basically any feature deemed “ugly” by society. I never really thought about my appearance and it was never an issue, until high school.
At this point, everyone around me started dating and getting into relationships, except me. While this is awful to say, I think many can relate, that getting zero attention from guys really does something to your self-esteem/worth. I began worrying more about my appearance and developed insecurities that I still struggle with to this day. I started to wear heavier makeup, took pictures of myself all the time, and even had guys actually try to talk to me, but it all felt superficial, it still does.
I can now acknowledge that I look good and know that no one can tell me otherwise, but deep down there is a deep-rooted insecurity that I don’t know if I will ever be able to cure. The moment I started getting approached by guys I genuinely found attractive was so weird for me, and it still is. I don’t know how to date for this reason and honestly find it so hard to talk to guys because in my mind they’re “playing with me”. My brain won’t let me fathom the fact that a guy might just find me attractive and interesting enough to get to know because it is stuck feeling like an ugly duckling.
Again, I know I’m that girl now, but when someone else compliments me, it feels like a joke. I think a big part of this is also because of the internet. Places like TikTok and Instagram make it so hard for girls to feel pretty when we are overstimulated by the amount of people we see per day. I know I have spent hours on my phone just scrolling and comparing myself to other girls, jealous of how they look, and hating the things I can’t change about myself.
This feeling goes beyond feeling “ugly”, not getting that validation growing up adds to that feeling of not being good enough. I am definitely a people pleaser and constantly find myself entering both relationships and friendships trying to prove myself as good enough. It can also be hard leaving toxic relationships and building boundaries because it feels as though if they leave, no one else will ever find you attractive again.
I wish I could feel pretty and be a normal girl, but growing up as the less attractive friend and sister is truly the most humbling thing. I am still working on appreciating and valuing myself, beyond looks, as well as not relying on others’ compliments to feel better about the way I look. However, in my experience, there are some benefits to being the ugly duckling, like having a very well-formed personality and having extreme empathy for others. Not having looks to rely on meant having to be funny and well-liked through my personality. I still carry that with me to this day and give everyone the same energy and treatment.
It is definitely a work in progress accepting I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, or even 2 years ago, but as I grow, I am learning to embrace the journey of self-discovery and appreciate the changes that come with it.
The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Texas chapter.