While ending a relationship is scary, nothing is scarier than ending a relationship that never was. It seems it is a rite of passage to have a “situationship” at least once in your life. Most times you don’t even know you’re in a “situationship” until it’s too late and you’re deep in it.
But, what is a “situationship”?
I would best define it as a romantic relationship with no labels, where you act and do gf/bf stuff for each other, but again YOU DON’T HAVE A LABEL. While it all seems to be going well at first during the talking stage, you begin to realize that it is not moving on from that. You at first, again, don’t think it’s a problem until you realize no labels equal they (your “significant other”) can do what they want because, at the end of the day, they’re single.
While to some these relationships are ideal for their lifestyles, they are definitely not made for all. As someone who recently had to end one of these relationships, for my own mental health, moving on with no explanation of why or what went wrong can be hard. It is easy to blame yourself and even question your worth on why you weren’t good enough to have a “real” relationship with. It’s also easy to forget the bad moments and red flags you constantly ignored and focus on the good memories and things that you miss about that person. It’s like having an internal war between your heart and brain.
It’s also annoying how much easier it can be to go back than move on, but at what cost?
I am not here to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t leave the situationship you are in, but as someone who recently decided enough was enough, I want to talk about the aftermath and three things I have been doing as a lover girl trying to let go and forgive.
- Don’t check social media
I used to be a strong advocate of never unfollowing someone because of my pride, but I realized recently that sometimes my own sanity is more important than my pride. I think that having the option to “check up on them” makes it harder for you to start moving on. Even after unfollowing, staying off their social media is KEY. What I am still a strong advocate of is “out of sight, out of mind”. What I don’t know won’t hurt me, so why would I continue to keep up with someone’s who’s actions have, and continue to negatively affect me? It can be easy to obsess and constantly check their stories and following list, but what does that bring you other than resentment and insecurities?
This is something I have been doing good at, but I too learned my lesson. When you go out of your way to look for something, you will find it and get your feelings hurt.
- Fight or Flight mode off – Learning to be comfortable with peace
After months of feeling on edge every day, anxiously wondering how that person feels, if they’re going to text you back, etc. suddenly it’s silent. The calmness of it all can be unsettling because for the first time in months, you have all this extra energy, brain space, time, etc. and you don’t know what to do with it. I started seeking drama elsewhere because “life felt too boring”. I forgot what it was like living every day without having someone to talk to and text all day (with someone who isn’t a friend). What has helped me is realizing I am finally not on Fight or Flight mode 24/7. It felt like a fight for my life every day during the end of that relationship. This new peace, while anxiety-inducing, has given me time to put my energy into something more productive, taking care of myself.
As someone who gives their everything into any relationship they have, it is exhausting always giving and never receiving. Being in this situationship made me realize I was doing everything to please someone else, that maybe I gave up too much of myself. The highs feel so high to the point you let yourself feel the lows as often as you need to.
- Accept Defeat
As someone very prideful, accepting “defeat” might be the biggest struggle I have encountered thus far. It’s hard to accept that something you wanted so badly just didn’t work out. Shifting my mindset on what this relationship meant has really helped me through this heartbreak. You can not blame yourself for things not working, but you also can’t blame the other person. It’s not your fault they didn’t want to commit, but you also can’t blame them for not wanting a relationship. I am choosing to see this as a learning experience, something I can grow from. Because at the end of the day, there are still eight billion other people I have yet to meet. While this may feel like the end of the world at the moment, one day I will see this as the universe doing me a favor. Pondering on what could’ve happened will not make that person change.
At the end of the day, this too will pass. I am learning it’s okay to feel all the emotions while also not letting them take over. Healing is hard, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. While hard sometimes, I am also learning that forgiving and forgetting is the best thing you can do for yourself because there are too many other beautiful things in this world to fall in love with to give up just yet.