Every week, I experience a sense of calm that lasts for days—Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I often wonder why I feel so unusually at peace. Should I feel this calm? Something is bound to go wrong. These thoughts just spiral in my mind. It feels almost as if being in a calm state is wrong. It makes me uncomfortable, always wondering what will happen because it feels too good to be true. I would try my best not to allow any thoughts to put me in a spiral and ruin my mood, only because that felt more comfortable. I felt more comfortable living in the chaos, even though I knew it wasn’t healthy at all.
It is always on a Thursday, however, that I allow those small, fleeting thoughts to knock, and I welcome them in.
If no one gave me a solid reason to be upset, I would make one up. I tended to overthink and imagine potential scenarios because they seemed more believable. If I felt like something wrong was bound to happen, I would create that scenario to make it come true, because why not now rather than later? This mindset was damaging not only to me but also to those around me, as I would frankly take it out on them by questioning things that were likely overthinking. I always suspected something would go wrong because it tends to happen.
I knew that these thoughts were just mere thoughts and nothing more. I just hated the feeling that maybe everything was going right and that it was perfectly fine to feel this calm because it was normal. I couldn’t accept it at first, even though I believed I was in a good position and had no reason to worry. It felt like I simply wouldn’t allow these thoughts to enter my mind.
Then I finally allowed those knocks to enter my space.
Rather than seeking a reason to justify a chaotic moment, I chose to sit in the peace, even if it felt uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable with a situation only means I’m learning something new, and eventually I will get used to it until it feels familiar. I was only chasing something that felt so familiar to me. It’s like trying a new sport; you feel uncomfortable because you are just beginning to learn what to do. It’s not until you feel like you know how to play that you start to feel more comfortable with what you are doing.
As I started to just sit with this uncomfortable, unfamiliar mindset, some ways helped me stay in it.
Instead of letting the overthinking thoughts in, I would simply ignore them. It was quite literally the most effective way to stop overthinking because I’m in control of what goes into my life, and if I simply ignore the knocks, they won’t be able to invite themselves in. One key way was that if I were alone in my bedroom past 7 PM and had thoughts that were overthinking a situation, I would not act upon them until I was in a clear state the morning after, because when you are alone at night, sometimes the thoughts just begin to be louder than they are throughout the day. So if it is a serious situation to deal with, I would only handle it in the morning if it truly matters.
Secondly, I started revisiting old hobbies and sports that once occupied my time. This was my second-most effective method for stopping resentment toward the quiet and instead enjoying it. I love spending sunny afternoons swimming or reading. Rather than resisting the calm, I embraced it through peaceful activities, which have greatly benefited me mentally and physically.
Lastly, I began sharing my thoughts and feelings with my friends about what I was overthinking before I did anything. It is greatly beneficial to hear others’ opinions on situations because it helps you determine whether it is truly overthinking or something that warrants addressing.
There are times when I revert to my old habits and create chaos in my life. I haven’t perfected this. Some days I feel comfortable, while on other days the discomfort feels much heavier and harder to resist, disrupting my calm. However, I believe I am improving and learning more about myself. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable in an unfamiliar situation, just as it’s okay to experience peace and calm.