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Don’t Change Yourself For A Man

One thing I hear the most when I say that I’ve never dated a guy is, “Maybe it’s because of (fill in the blank with one of my characteristics or something that I value).”

However, one thing I will never ever do is change myself for a boy, or a man.

Recently I’ve been talking to friends from my freshman year, in a group chat, and one topic that comes up every other day is the desire to be in a relationship.

One friend mentioned that she thinks she “acts too independent” and that she needs to “smile and laugh more” while “boosting them by saying ‘WOW that’s so impressive’ while randomly touching the guy”.

Basically, she was listing everything she thinks she needs to change about herself in order for guys to find herself attractive and “dateable”.

Though I wanted to call her and scream, DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF, I calmed myself down and listed a few things on my phone memo that I think are things that no one should change about themselves for someone they want attention from, or just to get attention in general. ​


1. Your Values


This is probably the MOST important thing you should NEVER change about yourself!

For example, does your significant other keep pressuring you to have sex with him, although you want to wait until you’re married? Or, do guys around you think that you’re “too independent”? Or maybe, does your special someone think females should quit their career once they get married, because they must commit to the family?

If a guy isn’t willing to accept your basic value structure, he is not worth it!! Toss him to the streets and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are!


2. Your Dreams


Dreams are something that constantly change while life goes on and time goes by.

For example, I used to want to be a pop star, even though I am horrible at singing or dancing. Now, I’m a Journalism major planning to go to Law School.

We never know how things are going to turn out and when things are going to change. However, do not give up what you love doing for a man! Do not!!!


3. How you look


How many times have you been annoyed with someone complaining about how they look fat, but they were anything but? My guy friends used to jokingly say that I’m not girly enough, or that I should start wearing makeup and act more girly, or maybe I should slim down a bit, and this was when I was around 120 pounds. I ignored it at the moment, but such comments really stick to you for a while. I would catch myself worrying about my weight, how I looked, and just other stuff about my physical appearance, when in reality I knew there was nothing really wrong about it.

You shouldn’t make any changes to your body to get (or keep) a man! Do it because you want to, if you want to, not for someone else!


These are just a few from my very very long list. But the message here is obvious:


If a man says that he would be with you if you changed this or that, or if he asks you to change yourself while you are in a relationship…

LET THAT MAN GO! Like seriously, let him go!

If you do make a change, make it for yourself! And believe that you will for sure find someone who appreciates and loves you for who you are, without wanting you to change!

Hanna is currently majoring in Journalism and minoring in Business and Asian American Studies. She is currently the Social Media Director and a Staff Writer for Her Campus Texas. After finding out that UT Austin's unofficial mascot, Matthew McConaughey, attended BTS's concert in Fort Worth, her goal is to run into Mr. McConaughey at the Communication building or ride the same elevator and have a full conversation with him about BTS. 
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