Closure: Do We Really Need It?

Recently, I’ve gotten really tired of waiting for an explanation: one last conversation where they’d say all the right things and I’d get the final word. I know all of our feelings are valid, but at the end of the day, not everyone needs to hear them. Right? If there ever was a guidebook on how to move on, (like the 5 stages of grief), closure always seems to be the last step. Although, I think the world wouldn’t stop spinning if, just once, we didn’t get it.

The idea of closure implies that our healing should come from external validation, from someone reciting a perfectly curated monologue designed to justify our pain. The reality of closure, however, is seldomly as satisfying as we anticipate. Here’s a few reasons why:

• People Don’t Always Have The Answers (We Want) – Sometimes, there is no grand understanding. There is immaturity and an unwillingness to face mistakes. You can spend a lifetime asking questions, but the person you’d hoped would consider them may not be the one answering. And even then, you might not like the answer you get.
• The ‘One Last Conversation’ Often Doesn’t Change Anything – Rehashing the past may give temporary relief, but it rarely changes the outcome. Having the same conversation ten times might be a conversation better not had. 
• Waiting For Closure Can Prevent You From Moving Forward – Holding out for an apology, an explanation, or a grand gesture can keep you emotionally tied to something that’s already long gone. If you have to ask for closure, you probably won’t get it (not anything that will be helpful anyway).

ways to Move On Without Closure

If closure isn’t guaranteed (or even necessary), how do we move forward? The answer often lies within ourselves—by bringing attention away from something you can’t control, and focusing it on what you can.

• Accepting That Some Things Are Left Unfinished – Not every situation comes with a clear cut ending, and that’s okay. I’m sure you’ve watched tons of movie endings that made you go “WTF.” That happens in real life too.
• Devalue Opinions That Aren’t Yours – You don’t need someone else’s words and comfort to validate your experiences and feelings. Yes, it helps, but you don’t absolutely need it. You can prioritize yourself as the deciding factor of your life. 
• Focus On Your Own Healing – Moving on is a choice you get to make for yourself, not something someone else grants you permission to do. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life waiting for someone to shine a green light on your thoughts and actions. 

Closure isn’t a prerequisite for healing, it’s a concept we’ve been taught to chase, often at the expense of our own peace. Real power often comes from learning how to let go without needing a storybook ending. Rather than seeking out the perfect explanation, you can start taking your future into your own hands—you might find that the whole world waiting for you out there.

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• closure
• do we need closure
• life
• mental health
• relationships
• what is closure for