This specific piece is meant to be an opportunity for me to share my personal thoughts, ideas, and epiphanies that are just too short to write an entire article about. However, if there is something I declare down below that peak audience interests or I feel that later on can be made into a piece of its own, I will gladly write it.
Until then, here are a bunch of random things I feel the need to say and thus, live on the Internet forever.
THE DIFFICULTIES OF GOING TO BED AND WAKING UP
I hope this is a mystery that a lot of you struggle to solve, not that I would wish this type of suffering on anyone but it would be nice to know I’m not alone in this issue.
The issue being: why is it so difficult to fall asleep but almost impossible to wake up at a reasonable time?!
Throughout my day I feel this lull in my ability to be awake and aware. It occurs at random times that differ from day to day as I experience this overwhelming need to complain about how tired I am at that moment and the thought of laying down on my lofted bed sounds synonymous to whatever nirvana is supposed to be like. My head will begin to pound or my eyes will feel dry/itchy, I yawn at inappropriate times and an inappropriate amount of times… Of course I fear coming off as rude or disinterested in whatever is occurring during these personal spouts of sleepiness but my mind becomes hyper focused on the idea of going back to my dorm at the end of the day, showering and laying down to rest. In fact I believe it’s those daydreams alone (which wow, the irony of daydreaming about sleep), that encourage me to finish the task at hand so that I may be one step closer to my bed and further from the ever impending responsibilities of college life.
Yet, when said time finally does come, when I am freshly showered, dressed in my pj’s and bundled in my blanket, I am suddenly unable to sleep.
It’s as if all the tiredness I had experienced throughout the day was something I made in my mind to torture that specific time period Alexa! As if I never truly was tired and it was just something I wished to complain about in a conversation or in my own head. Which is so, extremely upsetting. I mean, this thing, this activity that I’ve been reaching my hand out for all day has suddenly grown wings and flown out of my extending grasp. Leading me to lie in my bed attempting to fall asleep in every possible way, I mean I count sheep, I listen to white noise, and sometimes I even try to tell myself a bedtime story – in my head of course, I’m respectful of my roommate’s need for rest as well…
Yes, I am aware that there are teas and supplements that exist that aid in these troubles, but when I take melatonin I find that I sleep through every single alarm set!
Which leads me into the second issue of this thought, the difficulty of waking up.
All throughout high school I was someone who had no issue rising early, I mean I would wake up every morning at 5am simply to avoid taking the bus. Opting instead to show up to school two to three hours before it started when my sister would be expected for her cross-country practice. I really never missed my ride to school because I absolutely refused to ride the bus, this of course being before I got my license/car, I did not want to sit on leather seats in the morning, in a moving object filled with people I did not know or like – I was a bit edgy and extreme about all of this… I see that now… but still! The point remains that I used to wake up at the first ring of my alarm!
Now… my alarms will play themselves out as I sleep through each one, waking up well past my first class or right before it’s scheduled to begin. Which not only throws off my entire day, but makes me feel extremely guilty for not waking up on time.
I mean the dorm beds aren’t even that comfortable! How am I managing to sleep on one like it’s a cloud in the sky or a tempur-pedic mattress? I wish I knew, because maybe then I could solve the issue of not waking up on time!
All in all, I hope this is a problem I can find the solution to and fast! For I’m not sure how much longer I can go on with nights filled with tosses/turns and mornings that I sleep through.
TOO MUCH WORK AND NOT ENOUGH TIME
I am fully aware how the thought I just put forth would give you all a reason to know why I feel like there just isn’t enough time in a day to complete the demands that are pushed on me. Leading you all to extend no sympathy in my direction and believe that I am the creator of these issues. However, I swear that in my waking hours I aim to be the most productive version of myself possible! I have a planner, I create daily ‘to do’ lists, and I even set timers for myself to complete tasks.
Regardless of my planning, my attempts are fruitless because at the end of the day, as I glance over the list of things I assigned myself to complete there are always things that I was unable to do. Which is frustrating to say the least, it pushes me into a spiral of self doubt and stress. As I concern myself with my worth (which I heavily associate with my accomplishments – yes I am aware this is a problem, I’m trying to work on it) and the workload that begins to accumulate, leaving me with more things to do than tasks I’ve completed.
I’m sure that my need to be an overachiever is at fault for this constant stressing of completing or not completing tasks for school, clubs, and my job. It is my Shakespeare moment in a way, ‘to complete, or not to complete’.
Oftentimes though, I am baffled by the work professors expect us to do before class, to prepare for the lecture – whether that be readings or watching pre-lectures. In the history of college, how were pre-lectures given the green light? An answer I am not sure I’ll ever know…
Yet, I will mention that since the beginning of the school year I have improved on completing tasks that are demanded of me. It does come at the expense of the amount of sleep I get, time put into my social life, and of course limits the time I can direct towards ‘self care’. I suppose we just all have to make compromises at times in our lives.
WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE ASHAMED OF YOUR GUILTY PLEASURES
Everyone, and I mean everyone has a guilty pleasure. For some people it’s ‘trashy TV’, for others it’s the Mamma Mia Soundtrack, but I am here to say that we should not be ashamed of what we (or society) has deemed as ‘guilty pleasures’! I mean unless it’s something weird or harmful to others…because then you are in the wrong and should feel guilty about gaining pleasure from it…
What I am trying to say essentially is that people should not feel guilty for obtaining a sense of pleasure from various forms of media, food, or other arbitrary aspects of life. Being alive and existing in this world is exhausting, it’s unforgiving and unpredictable. If the one thing that helps you get through this continuous struggle is ordering in food or watching rom-coms, enjoy it! People love to put down things that others are interested in for reasons that I’m sure they themselves are even fully aware of, don’t let these people who are further imposing societal norms placed on the things we consume control your actions. Life is too short and difficult to push aside the things that allow us to feel as if we are taking a deep breath after being underwater for a second too long.
To start the de-stigmatizing of this guilty pleasures phenomenon, I will share a few of my guilty pleasures – which I don’t believe should be deemed this and I don’t truly feel guilty for experiencing happiness from these things. Maybe a tad bit embarrassed, but I’m also trying to work on getting past that feeling as well. My interests are just that, mine. I shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed because they’re what make me, me.
The first ‘guilty pleasure’ (which I will further refer to as activities that make me happy or I derive pleasure from for the rest of this thought) is my obsession with Youtube drama or ‘tea’. I can just hear the judgmental thoughts and sarcastic questions that probably popped up into your mind, and they are valid to some degree. Despite the overall insignificance of Youtuber’s drama in the grand scheme of life, I find comfort in listening to ‘tea’ videos as I get dressed in the morning. To wake up and for a split second be distracted by drama and life troubles that aren’t my own, over things that can only be deemed as ‘first world problems’ as the issues are almost always over throwing shade or whose friends with who – there’s a sense of solace (or pleasure) I derive from this experience. This can also extend to commentary videos from time to time. Commentary on the newest reality tv show I’ve just finished or a ‘bad’ movie I can’t force myself to watch but want to be in the know of what happens in it.
I think I enjoy hearing other people talk because I talk so much. I mean I think when I speak, most of the time it’s my stream of thoughts and not anything that adds substance to a conversation or offers a fresh take about something. It is quite literally me just opening my mouth and letting whatever come out of it… everything from the dream I remembered in great detail from the night before to why I think electric scooters are the bane of my existence. It’s nice to be on the other side of someone’s stream of consciousness, because I choose what it’s about and when I listen. Which shows just how much of a micro-manager I can be, as it even bleeds into things that offer me momentary happiness.
Another thing I derive pleasure from is listening to songs (that of course were pre selected based on the mood I’m in or want to be in) while walking places and pretending I’m in a movie/music video. Am I starting to sound like a thirteen year old angsty tumblr teen the more you read… probably… but I stand by this habit.
It’s nice to feel like the troubles of life have melted away and you’re just a character in a film or star of a music video. To get a safe amount of ‘lost’ in the music, I say safe because sometimes I would just forget where I was going or become too unaware of my surroundings, which always gives me a boost of serotonin. There is a song for every mood, emotion, and current mental state I’m in. If I want to feel like a girlboss I queue everything from the intro song for the HBO Max show Legendary (the song also entitled Legendary for obvious reasons) to songs I was obsessed with in middle school, which take me back to moments of ‘simpler’ times. When I’m feeling like the character right before their redemption, i.e. down, I know that Phoebe Bridgers singing about her Savior Complex or a select few songs from Radiohead’s ‘Ok, Computer’, allow me to feel the depth of my sadness and validate it.
Walking in what I can only deem as dramatic, to the matching rhythm of whatever song I’ve selected is something I genuinely believe has helped me adjust to the various difficulties that arise from being a college student.
If you see me walking on campus with my headphones in, just know I am fully in my own world (to a safe extent of course – I do not want my parents to text me after reading this portion…) trying to enjoy the simple pleasure of pretending I’m somewhere else and someone else for a second.
Which leads me into the last routine I regularly commit as it brings me happiness, stalking people’s Spotify listening activity.
I thoroughly enjoy seeing what my friends are listening to. I’m not even completely sure why – maybe it’s because I want to feel like I’m connected to them in some way even if we aren’t together. To know that regardless of what they’re doing at that moment I know they’re enjoying a song. I especially adore this practice when I see my friend(s) are obsessed with one song, so it’s just that song on repeat. I suppose this practice is the combination of two of my favorite things, music and my friends.
Wow, I really do sound like I’m thirteen. Please spare your harsh thoughts/judgements, because also like a young teen I can only handle so many opinions about myself…
GOSSIPING
The last thought/thing I would like to state in this piece has to do with gossiping or partaking in gossip. Similar to my guilty pleasures belief, everyone does it!
In fact, I think it’s impossible to not take part in speaking about others. Sure, you can control who/what you talk about and the degree in which you speak about the topic, but it’s just a human practice to talk about others.
It doesn’t have to be negative or cruel, even with gossip typically having a negative connotation linked to it, you can just be speaking about someone or something you’re indifferent to but want to share.
Personally, I don’t mind if people gossip (in moderation and considering kindness of course), to be candid I love to gossip. To talk about things my friend did that made me love them even more to my mom or the annoying person in the library to my sister. I think to some degree, if it’s not cruel, it’s a form of self care. It allows people to process the actions of others by speaking about it in a casual manner, it keeps people in your life cued into how you feel towards certain things, and can create other conversations naturally as the gossip turns into something else. What I can’t stand in regards to gossiping is people who, one, say they don’t do it and two, people who say one thing to someone’s face while saying something else to other people.
Firstly, like I stated, everyone gossips and I mean everyone, Mother Teresa probably gossiped. When these people say they don’t, I assure you it’s them feeding into some superiority complex they have and want to flaunt. In my experience, it’s these people that gossip the most – and gossip in a way that fits the negative connotation perimeters I brought up. Then there are the people who will say one thing to someone but go around saying something completely different to everyone else. I’m sure we’re all also somewhat guilty of this too, maybe we’ve done it in passing without realizing it, maybe it’s something we did in middle/high school, or who knows you could be the type of person that does this regularly. I detest these people, which can seem extreme but it’s true. I’ve dealt with this sort of thing first hand and it’s something you never forget. The trust you put into a person just for them to turn around and betray that trust as if it was nothing. If it has to do with me or is about me, I would rather a person say it to my face instead of airing my personal matters out like it’s their own. This especially irks me when the information that’s being spoken about is something that I’m not even aware of, it’s news that this person heard and is telling everyone but me/the person it pertains to.
Gossip doesn’t have to be a phenomenon that hurts people’s feelings, it doesn’t have to be lying to a face and speaking once their back has turned, and it doesn’t have to be this almighty sworn off occurrence in an attempt to exert a grandiose sense of self. It can be talking about your friends and the love you hold for them, or a new couple that you never expected to get together, it can even be about places or things! There is no escaping it and I don’t think there should be, talking about each other is what makes the world go round as there’s this constant need to be relevant for either talking or being talked about – but it doesn’t have to be on behalf of cruelty.
Let me hop off my soapbox, I think I’ve shared a decent bit of information about myself and thoughts in regards to random things, which I hope you enjoyed despite the topic changes!
I have a lot more thoughts and things I would love to say on the Internet, because I feel as if I have an opinion on everything and anything. So, who knows? Maybe I’ll end up writing an article about each and every one of these pieces!
Overall, if there are are a few key points I would want you to take away from this somewhat chaotic piece it would be: get enough rest, set a million alarms, don’t overwork yourself or be ashamed of the things you take pleasure in doing, and gossip like you’re the girl in the show but don’t do it with malice because you don’t want bad karma following you around!
Yes, maybe the key points were also partially for me but regardless, let’s all grow from these random things I felt the need to write about!
Until next time, your favorite gossip girl, Youtube drama connoisseur, and Her Campus writer…