Recently I read this quote on the internet that said, “happiness isn’t a place.” The rest of it said something along the lines of “we always say we’ll be happy when we get that job or buy that house, and then when we get there, you want something else.” It was something that really made me think the first time I read it.
As someone who struggles with depression, I constantly tell myself, “When I graduate college and go to medical school, I’ll be happy,” or “when I move in with my best friend and become financially stable, I’ll be happy.” Those have been my goals for quite a while and they grow by the day. There’s always something more that I want, more that I need, to be happy. But once upon a time, I once said, “when I graduate high school and go to college, I’ll finally be happy,” and “when I get away from my parents, I’ll be okay.” I’ve accomplished both of those (the second one not so much), and yet I’m still not where I want to be.
Since reading that quote, I feel like I’ve become a glass case of emotions. I try to live every day with a new lease on life. What do I find important? What can I do today that will give me a better tomorrow? It always feels like I can only lift myself up for a small amount of time. Maybe happiness isn’t a place like the quote said, maybe it really is a state of mind. But if that’s true, what’s the point of looking forward to anything, if it may or may not bring you happiness?
So, I’ve decided that having goals is good because it helps you have something to look forward to, but you should not depend on those goals and let them run your life. You cannot wait for that time and time again for you to decide in that moment that you are going to be happy.
I like to pretend that I have all the answers, and honestly, most people think I do. But I’m just trying to find my way like everyone else, if not more. I’m still discovering myself every day, and so I’m reinventing myself every day.
Moral of the story: It’s okay to not have all the answers and it’s okay to still be finding yourself, especially if you’re an “adult.”