A topic that we often find hard to talk about is anxiety and depression. As college students, we are constantly bombarded with schoolwork, hearty class schedules, and extracurriculars. Although extracurriculars can consist of fun activities, they are still a time commitment, which can cause more stress than we realize. But this shouldn’t be the case.
The COVID-19 pandemic has played a major role in the increase of stress levels of college students over the past few months. Teens and young adults have been particularly affected because of the lack of peer connections they normally engage with. In high school, everyone talks about how great college is supposed to be; college is supposed to be the “best four years” of our lives considering right after we are either immersed into the working world or choose to continue with our schooling to obtain a higher degree. But when our main connection to our classmates is our computer screen, it is easy to think that these “best four years” may very well not be our best.
When I came to Stonehill as a freshman, I was very shy. I wasn’t really into the party scene and had next to no experience in the boyfriend department. I did not know what to expect in terms of the college social life; all I knew was that I wanted to get to know people, and fast.
On the first day of orientation, I met two girls who I would later call my best friends. We did everything together. We were inseparable. It was with them that I started going to college parties and learned very quickly that the party scene was not one I particularly enjoyed. And although drinking wasn’t my thing, the one thing I did enjoy was constantly meeting new people. I talked to as many people as I could. And although my friend circle widened, I spent most of my time with my two friends.
Around the same time, I met my boyfriend. It was on the first day of orientation and he was my orientation leader. And although we didn’t date right away, he was the first person I called when I decided to switch roommates and residence halls and in a twist of fate, moved into the same residence hall as him. Because we lived in such close quarters, we were consistently around each other. After we started dating, my friends and I began hanging out with his friends and many weekends passed while we took a liking to having older “guy” who took us to parties and kept an eye on us. The downside to this was that we did not feel in a “rush” to find a group of girls outside of the three of us to hang out with, a mistake I regret to this day.
One of my boyfriend’s friends has a girlfriend who is now a sophomore like me. One night, when we were both at the same party, they introduced us, and we hit it off immediately. I introduced her to my friends, and we became a little group who hung around each other all the time. Once the talk about housing selection for sophomore year began, I asked her to be my roommate, and now we live together. Our plan was to live with our other two friends, but a couple of months later they found a group of girls to live with on their own and that was it- we no longer spoke and for the first time in my college career, I felt alone.
Losing two of my best friends was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through as a college student. It felt like a breakup, but not the kind where you feel a sense of relief after it’s over. I developed anxiety because I did not want to rely on my boyfriend or my soon-to-be roommate for attention. I liked hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends, but I longed for a group of girlfriends I could hang out with, laugh with, and go on adventures with like I had in high school. On top of this, I felt ashamed that I was envious of my friends back home for making new friends so easily. This wasn’t me; I am not the “jealous type.” I was beginning to feel slightly depressed and anxious. Then COVID-19 came into my life like a bad dream and we were sent home for the rest of the semester. As did most of the people I knew, it was a constant battle between feeling anxious, disconnected, and disoriented. I got through it, but it was not fun. I was VERY much looking forward to a return to my college life as I had known it for a year and a half.
Coming back to school this fall was like a rebirth for me. I had a better attitude and was just happy to be out and around my classmates. My roommate and I were excited to go back to campus and attend in person-classes, to become more involved in extracurriculars, and to meet new people! However, reality soon sank in and it became clear that our classes were not fully “in-person” (the world of “hybrid”), and making connections were tougher than before. And with all of the social distancing restrictions, making new friends has been difficult. And with half the student body staying home for the semester, opportunities for new connections, events, and social opportunities have also been more difficult to cultivate. Once again, I have found myself struggling with both anxiety and depression as I navigate my way through my sophomore year. However, this time I had a plan. I decided that if connections were not going to find me, I had to find them. I ended up running for Hall Council in my residence hall which gave me the opportunity to pitch and plan social gatherings for my hall and floor. I also applied for the role of peer health and wellness counselor, something I feel strongly about as I do think we all need to take better care of ourselves during this time in history. In addition to these roles, I have also found a -place writing for our school newspaper, The Summit. And of course, I joined the best club of all – HER campus. I love this group of girls and what we stand for. I have found that the more I have empowered myself, the less anxious I feel and the more able I am to fight off any depressed feelings I experience.
Depression and anxiety are not something to be ashamed of and these conditions are more common than you may think. 42% of college students experience anxiety, and 36% experience depression at some point. The college has done a great job over the last few months increasing counseling resources available to those experiencing anxiety and depression which are open to students who have gone remote as well. I think we all need to realize that we may think we are the only ones feeling lonely, but more realistically, there is someone nearby who feels the same way as you.
Despite that I continue to struggle with anxiety, I know that the future looks bright for myself and other college students who struggle as well. We are going to be more motivated than ever to make the rest of our college careers the best they can be after going through this national pandemic. Personally, I have learned that having a lot of friends is not always realistic and have made it a point to not make this a personal goal of mine. Rather I am focused on making connections with people who I feel are worth my time and those who are going to reciprocate kindness and a caring nature. The number of how many fall into this category won’t and should not matter. We are humans, and it is important to know that it is okay to not be okay.