Summer Friendships: Why It’s So Hard to Reconnect After High School

This past year, I completed my first year of college and returned to my hometown. I expected everything to feel relatively familiar, and for the most part, it did. My room was still the same. Starbucks was still down the block. But something still felt off. After about a week of being home, I started realizing just how hard it was to reconnect with my old high school friends. 

At first, I blamed myself. I knew that everyone changes in college to some extent, but I wondered if I had done anything to warrant social ghosting. 

After doing some research, I learned that it’s completely normal for friendships to fade after high school. In a recent study from the journal Social Networks, researchers found that “only about 35% of high school friendships last after graduation.” 

This social drift is caused by a myriad of factors. First, college brings major life changes. For many, it’s the first time your friend group is apart for an extended period of time and perhaps not living in the same state anymore. Everyone settles into new routines, social circles and environments. Your personalities also change to some extent, and suddenly, the quiet peacekeeper is loud and flirtatious. 

A lot of people, myself included, assume distance alone is to blame. But that’s just a part of it. In high school, everyone went to school together, had off on the weekends and followed similar schedules because of activities and such. Now, almost everyone has a job, some have moved away, while others are taking summer classes. There’s no real tether tying everyone together. 

This summer in particular, I found myself waking up earlier, working, juggling family and personal responsibilities, while also trying to get some time to myself to relax. Meanwhile, I had friends on totally different schedules. Reconnecting now isn’t as easy as just texting “Wanna hang?” anymore. 

One thing I didn’t expect about this summer was how easy it is to say “No.” It became much easier to ignore my group chat or make an excuse to cancel plans than to actually leave my house for anything except my martial arts classes. Apparently, working full-time drains more than just your energy; it drains your social battery as well. Even if your job isn’t high stakes or too stressful, a full workday leaves you with less capacity to be “on” after hours. Psychologists call it cognitive fatigue, and it lowers your motivation to do anything that takes extra effort, even if it’s fun. 

Plus, after making dozens, if not hundreds, of small decisions at work, you hit decision fatigue. Choosing what to wear, where to go, who’s driving or just how to hang out feels like too much. With all these factors piling up, saying no becomes a default. 

After sifting through all the research and personal stories, here’s what I found to help. 

Reach out first: Don’t wait. Text and plan something simple, like a coffee or a walk

Be realistic: Not every friendship will survive, so you should cherish the ones that do. 

Understand both sides: Your friends are busy, too. Don’t take their radio silence too personally. 

Be vocal: If you’re not up for something, be upfront and say it. It’s okay to suggest a shorter meetup. 

Be open-minded: Now is not the time to make rash, permanent decisions about your friends. It’s the beginning of August, and summer is almost over. 

Friendships naturally go through phases. You won’t be friends with people in the same way you were in high school. Just because you might not see them as much, doesn’t mean you love your friends any less. It just means you’re learning to prioritize different things. Friendships change, and that’s part of the process. Some friends fade, some stick around and new ones are always around the corner.

• college
• friendship
• mental health
• summer