Send The Text You Wish To Receive

How reaching out first can save your social life

It seems to me that our generation has become less intentional about our friendships and, in turn, increasingly cynical about connections and interactions. As a result, it can feel like your social life is dead if you aren’t receiving any notifications. In a world where DMing reels count as communicating with friends and upcoming plans are public information via Facebook or Youni, we have lost the art of the text message. With a simple text, you can be the one to change the fate of getting lost in this vicious cycle of nonchalance and half-hearted socialisation.

The Social Rut

Especially in the small town of St Andrews, it is natural to rely on randomly bumping into friends on the street or in the library to get our daily doses of social interaction. However, the colder months make us all a little less likely to venture outside, where these casual bump-ins are destined to happen. It can get lonely, and it is easy to blame it all on the weather or exam season, or worse yet, you might begin to blame yourself for being forgettable. But this isn’t true! It’s not that no one is thinking about you; it’s just that we’re all too busy thinking about ourselves. It may seem antiquated, but the best way out of this rut is to simply send the text you wish to receive.

When you bump into a surface-level friend, there’s nothing wrong with following through on the typical ‘We should hang out soon!’ salutation. Ask for their number (instead of their socials) if you don’t have it already, and send a text a few minutes after you have your sidewalk conversation — while you’re still fresh in their mind. People won’t forget you if you make it clear you haven’t forgotten them.

Social Media Purgatory

It’s comfortable to sit in the social media purgatory of ‘liking’ stories and sending memes. It’s easy to let the apps do the talking for you, but it’s no replacement for in-person conversation. Texting is no replacement either, but it’s a much more level playing field for both parties; there are no ‘games.’ Over text, there isn’t the option to cheekily send ‘likes’ or witty ‘replies’ to stories. There’s no need to ponder over when it is appropriate to jump from story-liking to post-commenting to DM-ing. Likewise, a new friend doesn’t have to guess whether your story-like means that you actually want to talk, or if it was just an appreciation for the aesthetically pleasing photo of matcha they posted on their story. There aren’t all these little hurdles to get over with texting; there’s only one option — sending the first one. Text messages are intentional, as all strong friendships should be, and that’s why I believe they can save your social life.

Now, I’ve got to address the elephant in the room: the fear of being left on ‘read’ or ‘delivered’. This fear definitely decreases as your frontal lobe develops, and some people may not mind at all. But for those who find this to be the pinnacle of embarrassment, I’d like to point out that this outcome is still better than exchanging Instagrams or Snapchats and living in the awkward purgatory of story-watching, post-liking, and hesitation to unfollow. If you have someone’s number and they never answer, you can delete the contact from your phone and the chat from your inbox if the status of your text begins to haunt you. At least, now, you’re not following their Instagram as if they’re a celebrity, nor are you stalking them on Snap Maps and seeing all the things they’re doing without you. Best of all, you won’t get stuck doomscrolling amidst an attempt to reach out!

Circumstance isn’t in control of your social life, you are!

There’s no need to wait until the next big event to see the people you haven’t seen in a while. If you have someone’s number, they gave it to you for a reason. It is always nice to feel wanted and be texted first, sure… but I promise it feels equally lovely to be intentional. Reaching out first shows that you care; it doesn’t make you look obsessed. 

I’ve found that the more you text, the easier it gets, and the more people begin to reciprocate your energy. People like you more than you think, and they probably feel just as lonely. The world keeps turning, and it’s up to you to step in. All you need is one helping hand, and I promise there are plenty of hands out there waiting to grab yours. 

We all need to stop acting like celebrities on social media. There is no value in keeping people guessing what you’re up to, hoping that they will care. Tell people what you’re up to and make it known that you want them to be part of it. In this age of subliminal online communication, all it takes to make a friend feel cherished and ensure a return of your affection is one direct, intentional text message. 

• friendship
• mental health
• social life
• Text
• text message
• university