They say breaking up with a friend is sometimes worse than a breakup from a romantic relationship. How hurt would you feel if you broke away from the person who you shared some of the greatest and happiest memories of your life with? I know, I have experienced it.
Yes, romantic breakups can be incredibly damaging, but friendship breakups hurt just as bad, if not more so. It doesn’t matter if you have been friends for years or just a couple of months, collateral damage persists on both sides. Some friendships can be too damaging to continue, or, as some would say, too ‘toxic’. Despite how hard it may feel, it’s best to make that hard choice, and walk away from such relationships.
Oftentimes, poor communication leading to misunderstanding is the driving factor behind any kind of a relationship. Failing to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your friend can often make things worse. Especially since many issues can be solved by sitting down and putting your thoughts in front of your friend. But if they really were your friend, then why is it so hard for you to talk to them and tell them how you feel? You shouldn’t be afraid to confess your thoughts and emotions if you truly considered this person to be your friend at one point in time.
“If I fixed things last time, it’s their turn now” – this is a phrase people often say to each other during fights -and it undoubtedly worsens most situations. Why? Because if the friendship truly mattered to you, there would be a willingness to set your ego aside and attempt to make things better. You may also find yourself putting in more effort than the other party, or feel being taken for granted. And if after communicating you feel nothing has changed, it may be time to part ways. No one should ever feel taken for granted.
It’s so important to talk things out before you both decide to part ways. Although it may be hard to speak through our thoughts and emotions, having that sense of closure is essential for both parties. Friendship breakups can sometimes feel more complicated than real breakups because of the role they play in bringing us joy and escape from our romantic lives, and often can act as a reciprocal support system. Friends are often the ones with whom we can be unapologetically ourselves. So, if friendships are so important to us, then why is it that we never get around to discussing how to handle it when they end?
Don’t second guess your decision
Part of moving on comes from acceptance. Accept that despite all the good times in the past, the friendship at this stage is broken. Accept that you need to move on from it. Until and unless you accept that there is nothing that can be done to make things alright, you will not be able to get over this breakup. The minute you start second-guessing your decision to move on is the moment you start hurting yourself even more. You may need to ask yourself: Why am I second-guessing my decision? Did I do something wrong? Do I really need them back in my life that badly? Am I giving them the benefit of doubt? If they didn’t value you enough to make things better, it probably isn’t worth it to second-guess your decision.
Prioritise your mental health
Let go of the feeling of guilt. It’s easy to guilt trip yourself into thinking: “Maybe I could have done things a certain way and I could have saved the friendship”. But that feeling of guilt is something of which you need to let go. Start validating your emotional experience and prioritise your mental health. One way to do this is to initiate distance. Initially, you may feel like that person who you used to be so close to does not value you anymore, and it is completely normal to experience feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, anger and hurt. Because of this, distance is necessary, both physically and in today’s world digitally as well. Seeing them every day in-person or on social media will only make things harder for you.
Surround yourself with your loved ones
It is vital you surround yourself with people who truly care for you – people, who would fight to make things right for you. After going through such an experience, you may find it difficult to trust the people around you, but it only gets better with time. The fact that these are the people you choose to keep around in mentally distressing situations such as a relationship, as well as them sticking around for you should give you enough assurance to feel loved. There is a sense of emotional vulnerability that feels broken when you go through a breakup of any kind. Whether that trust was intentional or not, it impacts your ability to trust others. You should not let that deter you from trusting people in the future because there are people in this world who appreciate you for who you are.
Letting go of a friendship that was once such a crucial and happy part of your life, can be taxing on your mental health and one of the hardest things you will have to do. But breaking away from it is the adjustment you need to stop investing your time and emotions into them. Your future of well-being and putting yourself first await you.