I want to talk about deconstructing some ideas surrounding mental health in hopes of breaking down some stigmatization of taking medication for mental illness. In the context of May being Mental Health Awareness month, this conversation seems important.
I feel like mental health has become almost a buzz word in gen z culture. It’s a joke or a punchline and while we have come so far talking about mental health, I feel a territory we still have not reached is medication. We need to destigmatize getting medicated for mental illness because it can help a lot of people. I’ll add here that of course the decision to get medicated is a personal one and it may not be right for everyone, but unfortunately some people stray away from it, not understanding how it could do some good.
A barrier that kept me from considering medication is that I thought I would be fine without it. And while that is true, I hit a point where I no longer wanted to settle with being fine, I wanted to be great. But I felt that getting medicated was like showing weakness. Or I was admitting that I was “crazier” than I thought I was.
So, how do we get over that barrier of faux strength and shame? First, we initiate honest conversation. We joke and we laugh about our mental illnesses, but when was the last time you sat down with a friend and answered “how are you” truthfully? When have you asked yourself that question and been honest? I know I am entirely guilty of being dishonest to others and more importantly to myself. Maybe it’s because as college students we don’t give ourselves the time to slow down and truthfully check in. A couple months ago my body forced me to slow down and while it sucked at the time, I am grateful for it now.
So here is my candor. This last winter quarter I was under an immense amount of stress, personal and academic. I was trying to juggle too much and eventually, around midterm season, everything came toppling down. I did not realize how much of an impact the anxiety was having on me until I started developing a cough and breathing problems. Since we are still in a pandemic my symptoms seemed obvious, but it was not covid. Instead, I had developed symptoms of adult asthma. The mystery of the diagnosis and the newness of managing it only added to my stress. It accumulated into a frequent nightmare routine of coughing until I threw up during the day and at night waking up with panic attacks where I couldn’t breathe. I only got more and more frustrated until I was doing research on asthma and I had an epiphany. Under the causes, one word jumped off the page: stress. I could no longer ignore the anxiety any longer and started thinking seriously about getting better.
I did not seriously consider getting on anti-anxiety meds until I talked to someone close to me and they revealed the medication they have used and the relief it gave them. They also revealed that they are in a much better place and no longer really need them.That was exactly what I needed to hear. It is okay to admit that some seasons are harder than others, and for me sophomore year of college has been hard. This too shall pass, but maybe you can relieve some of the struggle while you go through it.
I resonate with something my psychiatrist told me. He said “you gain nothing from a panic attack.” Sure a little pain makes you stronger, but suffering gives you nothing.
I also found that being medicated gave me the peace to start practicing more self care habits, like working out, eating better and establishing a solid routine. It also gave me the mental clarity to practice tips and tricks from counseling when I do start to get anxious. When I was consumed by panic and anxiety I could not do those things. Medication has not solved everything for me, but I can say with confidence that I feel much better.
I share a piece of my journey with mental illness in hopes of inspiring others to do the same in whatever space they feel comfortable. Being honest with others can be scary and uncomfortable, but sharing my experience with others has deepened existing relationships and opened the doors for new ones. Everyone has something they are struggling with and at the end of the day all we want as humans is to be seen and listened to.
Another thing I hope you take from this because it was so crucial to me, is to learn how to be compassionate with yourself. It’s okay that I need a little help from time to time. It’s okay if I need a lot of help sometimes. The next day can be better. Some things are hard and we are not meant to be perfect. Why is it so much easier to be compassionate to others, but not ourselves? We should work on that.
And for my girlies who already can’t have grapefruit juice, I see you and I care about you.