We romanticize reinvention like it is a wardrobe change. But what happens when your old self shows up in your new life? Everyone says moving away is a fresh start. But once you get there, you realize you cannot leave behind the parts that shape who you are. Somewhere between packing my bedsheets and my mini fridge, my habits, insecurities and expectations must have slipped in, because they certainly did not stay home when I came to college.
Why We Want To Believe The Myth
Of course, I believed in the myth of the fresh start. We grow up surrounded by it; every New Year’s resolution, every move, every big life change comes wrapped in the promise of reinvention. You buy new clothes, new decor and maybe even try out a new style, convinced that new things will make you a new person. But beneath all that change, you still bring yourself with you.
The idea of a new beginning feels intoxicating because it offers control. It tells you that the past can be folded neatly and left behind, like clothes that no longer fit. The truth, though, is that most of what shapes you does not fit in a suitcase. It travels quietly, showing up in the way you react, speak or think, no matter how far you go.
Old Habits Die Hard
After getting settled into SLU, it did not take long for me to notice that my old habits had gotten comfortable, too. I still stayed up far too late, even after promising myself that college would mark the end of my midnight screen time. I definitely still procrastinated, even though I had a dozen new study spaces within walking distance. My tendency to overthink every assignment, every conversation, every small mistake? Yeah, that showed up too.
I changed my surroundings, but not my wiring. Growth takes effort, not geography. Moving away does not erase the parts of yourself that feel unfinished. It only gives you a new place to confront them. In a way, that realization was comforting. If my flaws could follow me, then so could my strengths. The same determination that carried me through before still shows up here, at college, even if it sometimes hides behind exhaustion. I am learning that the pieces of me I once wanted to leave behind are the same ones teaching me resilience now.
So, What Does Change?
Still, not everything stayed the same. My environment changed completely, and somehow that alone made me feel more capable. I became a cleaner person almost overnight, probably because my dorm feels like a space I built myself. My confidence changed too, although not in the way I expected. At first, it was actually lower. Reestablishing yourself when no one already knows who you are takes time, and the silence feels louder when it comes from unfamiliar people. But slowly, I have started to find my rhythm again. My confidence feels steadier now; my experiences are less about proving myself and more about belonging to myself.
My perspective shifted, too. I no longer expect a dramatic transformation. I am learning that growth is quieter and certainly not as easy as just moving. Even in small ways, I can feel myself changing. The walk to class feels less intimidating, the conversations feel a little less forced, the routine more my own. It is not reinvention; it is settling, growing roots in unfamiliar soil. There is something powerful in realizing that stability can exist even in transition.
Perfection Is Not Achieved By Throwing Yourself Away
Growth is not about wiping the slate clean. It is about learning to work with what is already there. Society teaches us to throw things away when they stop serving us: clothes, ideas, even versions of ourselves, but people do not work that way. You cannot simply discard the parts of yourself that frustrate you or pretend they never existed. Instead, you learn to understand them. Maybe the truth is that a fresh start is not about becoming someone new. It is about making peace with the person you have always been and giving them room to grow.
Even when the excitement fades and the routine sets in, you are still changing. Every late-night, awkward start and small win adds up to a version of yourself shaped by persistence, not perfection. It is a version of you that can only exist here, in this exact moment of becoming. That is the fresh start that actually lasts; the one that matters.