My little brother has an avid fascination with Japan. Not only is he fluent in Japanese, but he is especially fond of learning new things about Japanese culture. I dedicate this piece to him, as I never would have learned about “Oubaitori” if it were not for him.
“Outbaitori” is an ancient Japanese idiom that comes from the kanji for four trees that bloom in the spring: cherry, plum, peach and Japanese plum. Kanji are characters used in Japanese writing, each carrying a particular meaning. In this case, each character represents a different flowering tree. Although they all flower during the same season, each blooms differently and on its own schedule. “Oubaitori” takes this simple observation in nature and turns it into a lesson about our own lives: there is no reason to compare your growth to someone else’s since everyone is following a different path.
It sounds like an easy philosophy to follow. In reality, comparison is almost impossible to escape.
We are constantly given opportunities to see what everyone else is doing. Open Instagram and someone is studying abroad. Open LinkedIn and someone just landed an internship. Scroll through TikTok and someone your age somehow seems to have the perfect life and perfect plan for the future.
Before you know it, you are looking at a life you were perfectly content with five minutes ago and wondering whether you are doing enough. But why are we in such a rush to bloom?
One of my favorite ideas behind “Oubaitori” is individuality. The four flowers are not beautiful despite being different from one another. Their differences are precisely what make each one beautiful.
There is no single definition of what a successful or fulfilling life should look like. Maybe your path involves changing your major. Maybe you lose friends and find new ones. Maybe something you were convinced you wanted at 17 is completely different than what you want now. Maybe you need more time than someone else to figure things out.
Waiting and taking a different route are not signs that you have failed to grow. That is the growth.
Still, “Oubaitori” should not be confused with simply sitting around and waiting for your life to happen. Blooming at your own pace does not mean giving up on ambition. You can still work toward the career, the relationship or whatever else you want for yourself. The difference is learning to pursue those things because you want them, rather than because someone else already has them. There is a contrast between being inspired by someone and using them as a measuring stick.
If it feels hard, know you are not alone. Take a look at your own garden. Think about where you were a year ago. There are probably things that feel completely normal to you now that an earlier version of yourself once hoped for. Maybe you have become more independent. Maybe you found people who make you feel at home. Maybe you finally walked away from something that was not good for you. Maybe you are simply a little more certain of who you are.
Those changes might not make an exciting Instagram post or LinkedIn announcement, but that does not make them any less significant.
Growth is not always obvious while it is happening. Trees spend months with bare branches, but that does not mean there is nothing happening beneath the surface. We deserve to give ourselves that same grace.
When I catch myself comparing my life to someone else’s, I try to remember that I am seeing their life from the outside. Of course their path can look clearer from where I am standing.
“Oubaitori” reminds us to bring our attention back to what is actually ours.There will always be someone who reaches a milestone before you do. There will always be someone with something you want, just as there will probably be someone looking at your life and wishing they had something you already possess. Trying to win that comparison game is exhausting because there is no finish line.
A plum tree does not become more beautiful by trying to bloom like a cherry tree. It becomes beautiful by blooming like itself. So, you do not need to bloom first. You just need to bloom as yourself, and more flowers will come. Appreciate each stage of life and live fully in the present moment. After all, every flower has its season, and so do you.