There has become this stigma that mental health is meant to look a particular way. It’s depression that looks like inability to get out of bed and no desire to do anything. It looks like anxiety that leads to procrastination and hyperventilation. It’s eating disorders that are young girls refusing a meal. It’s suicidal thoughts that are turned into everyone thinking that “it’s just a cry for help.”
There is no one way that mental health looks. Mental health is not simply textbook or a quirky social media caption.
And just because my mental health does not look the way that you want doesn’t mean that I am not struggling.
Anxiety and its control over my life has made a lasting impact on the way that people view me and the way that I run my life. Due to my constant stress, I am known for getting things done on time, usually early, and being the one person that “has it all together.” From the outside, I am often able to hide my struggles behind the “perfect” front that is deep down the face of my biggest enemy…my anxiety.
For years I struggled with side comments such as, “Well, you are the mom of the group,” and, “Ask Kateryna, she always knows what is going on.” I was always bothered by them because although these people’s intentions were good and were even meant as a compliment, it was a verbal reminder of the hold that anxiety has on my life. And it was even worse that no one could see the pain behind my eyes.
I got to a breaking point this summer. It was a hard summer. I took my first adult job, moved across the country on my own, and was faced with the craziness that everyone else experienced on top of it all. I was anxious, depressed, and my mental health had taken one of the biggest spirals since first being diagnosed. But of course, because of my anxiety I was on top of my work, doing all my chores, giving work 110%, and completing online summer class work, days in advance. There was this one day where I asked in a group chat for a friend to review my final paper. I was excited to be done with the class and to get my final assignment in as soon as possible to just enjoy the rest of my summer. Someone agreed and then asked when it was due. I told them in about three days and I remember the text response like it was yesterday.
“That is what good mental health looks like.”
That was it.
I was tired of being the girl that was “always fine” just because I wasn’t out drinking my problems away, failing my classes, or crying every second of the day.
All mental health does not look the same!
That is the bottom line. My mental health looks like messy color-coded planners, finished assignments, and tears over lost test points. My mental health looks like long endless naps, putting on eight different outfits before I go to any social event, and biting the skin around my nails.
My mental health does not need to look like the “cool” and quirky depression that social media has made it out to be. It does not need to be just like yours.
Mental health is serious and impacts more people around us than we like to acknowledge. Every single person is affected by their mental health in a different way and leads to different coping behaviors and the way that they are emotionally effected.
Every person has a story and a voice.
Your story, your voice matters.
Your mental health does not need to look a particular way, because you are you, not the person next to you!