Lately, I have come to one of my important, logical and ahead-of-my-time conclusions: I freaking hate my phone. My body cannot scroll through the TikTok app without going into fight or flight mode or feeling like I am being chased by a predator. TikTok, more often than not, triggers my anxiety rather than relieving it. The crazy thing is, I will not stop scrolling.
TikTok can pull some of my heartiest laughs one minute and then ruin the faith I had left in humanity the next. According to my screen time, I have been on TikTok for nine hours this week. As much as it might make me laugh, it also consumes me and my time.
So, what can be done about this? Am I saying that we just delete everything? Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to disconnect completely. We need to be able to check emails, respond to friends and family, among other valid reasons that keep us opening our phones.
Technology is moving so fast. I understand that we either get with the times or fall behind. Instead of getting rid of your phone or my iPhone 13 Pro Max, which is still chugging along just fine, we must accept our reliance on technology. The only thing we can really do is let our reliance fizzle into hatred. You have to get with the program in order to despise it.
I really want to actually start and maintain a hobby. I want to watch a movie or TV show that is slightly boring and actually finish it. I want to be able to grow into a unique, intellectual adult woman without relying on the validation or influence of others online. I want to do things my way, and I want to do them organically.
I hate our phones because of how they hinder us from growing into happier, healthier and more genuine people. We are the most connected we have ever been, yet also incredibly disconnected from ourselves. I do not know who I would be without my phone, the internet or social media. I grieve the pre-phone version of myself. I was cringy, but I was free … so freaking free.
I am not saying that technology is the root of all evil. I am just saying that the phone, the cellular device we keep in our hands 24/7, is hindering us. I hate my phone because I am too reliant on it. I am too willing to forsake my happiness and the best version of myself just to stay connected and up-to-date on the world.
My phone freaks me out, and I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel and what it makes me do. Yet, I need it and I refuse to rid myself of it. I want to try to get off of it more, though. I want to give it less power in controlling my life. I need to let myself get so bored that I force myself to pick up a pen again. I need to learn that I like things by liking them first myself, without someone else telling me what they think a woman my age should like.
I am both freed and burdened by my cellular device. I guess those TikTok comments were right … it really is that damn phone.